The King: Eternal Monarch - A Happy Bittersweet Ending We Are All Half-Expecting

Spoiler alert! Those who have yet to see this KDrama, please stop reading now. 

Moving On 

As with everyone else, I cannot move on after watching the season finale. I am happy though that everyone got their happy ending. 

Lee Gon and Tae Eul who cannot marry each other under any circumstance, lived the life of a happy couple, one weekend at a time. Though we want the couple to tie the knot as the grand reveal, the writer's decision to have them off together in different eras each weekend is a beautiful option. For that, I am not complaining. Better than them not being together at all, forever. 

Here's my take on what happened to the rest of the major and minor characters that I have learned to love. I cheered them on from the start and I am glad that they got the exposure (and closure) they deserve in the last episode. 

No More Nightmares for Shinjae

Happy that Hyeon Min (Shinjae) from Corea no longer has to bear with nightmares that torment him all through childhood and adulthood, leaving him a miserable person, on top of the fact that he is secretly in love with Tae Eul, but can never be loved by her. If there's anyone in this drama that deserves a happier ending, it is Shinjae aka Hyeon Min. 

Secret Affair in the Palace 

So, I was right! Jo Yeong has a crush on the social media girl Seung Ah, as his counterpart Eunsob is in love with Nari. Jo Yeong having this discreet affair with Seung Ah in the palace is the cutest thing ever. 

Quite saddening though that he will never get to be reunited with Eunsob. It's kind of bittersweet for him to have the memories, while Eunsob never had any. It's cute though that Jo Yeong's siblings were named after Eunsob's. Awww, the guy must be missing his counterpart terribly, more than he would dare admit. 

The Caring Ok-Nam

It was never revealed what really happened to Ok-nam apart from that little story of her travel to Corea before the Great Korean war broke. The last episode didn't show much what had become of her, but it's nice to note that she knows this little secret of Lee Gon. And no matter he is not telling her the truth, Ok-nam knows what's going on. I think in some ways, it's sad and happy at the same time, like what Lee Gon said in the previous episode, "You must be very lonely to have this secret all by yourself." Awww, my heart breaks for her.  

Come on over to Facebook, Mamangnim, and let's gossip about your ward freely. Hahaha. 

Chief Park's Solitude

So now we all know why Chief Park keeps saying he needs to go and meet his "loneliness" or "solitude" or "sadness" from time to time. We get to witness how the good captain kept his word to an offender, to take care of the young offender's grandma and little sister. It doesn't make sense though that the chief had to sneak behind the missus. It was for a good cause sure, but he probably didn't know that the wife will find out eventually. Next time, don't use the credit card. Meh. 

So nice of Mrs. Park too to accept this little secret of the husband without much drama. Happy for them both. 

The Fabulous Prime Minister Seo Ryung

Sorry folks, but I laughed my ass out seeing the ever-ambitious and domineering Prime Minister Seo Ryung in prison. Fashionista no more, we see her in prison garb. But come on, whatever outfit our elegant Prime Minister dons make her look even more ravishing. Anyway, so that's what become of her when the parallel universe was altered after Lee Lim died. Shows that no matter what, she's one greedy corrupt to the bones woman. And to think that her ever-loyal assistant is now the warden. Love her or hate her, she maintained her strong presence up until the end.  

A Better Life for Luna

Luna's life did a complete turnaround when Lee Rim died. And I love it! I love how she became a good person. I always suspected that she's a good person turned bad because of circumstances beyond her control. I always knew that Tae Eul probably saw through her when she freed Luna to take care of her father while she embarked on a "do or die" adventure to help Lee Gon achieve justice.   

I am happy that Luna also became a law enforcer and that Seo Ryung's mom raised her to be a good daughter. Why did Prime Minister turn out bad? Ah, the old adage that parents may do their best to give the best to their children, yet evil children will always turn evil because they were born that way. I'm not sure. But I am glad Luna and Hyeong Min look like they have a future together. At least in the parallel universe, Shinjae's dream to be with Tae-Eul became a reality. Yay! 

I love the way that the writers salvaged what seemed to be a mind-boggling storyline in the first few episodes. It was confusing at first. But the final episode laid out everything beautifully. 

Everyone got their dose of happy endings, and who am I to disagree?

Wait, aren't we gonna see more of Jang-mi? 

Photo credits:

https://www.hellokpop.com/featured/the-king-eternal-monarch-episode-16-recap/

https://www.netflix.com/title/81260283

https://www.soompi.com/article/1406447wpp/the-king-eternal-monarch-ends-on-solid-ratings-for-finale 

https://data.ibtimes.sg

https://goggler.my/7-questions-from-the-king-eternal-monarch-that-still-need-answering/ 

It's More Fun in Korea?

My boss' wife wants to learn Korean. And because I don't really have time to tutor her, I decided to browse online and find her an online tutorial class.

I chanced upon Korea's Official Tourist Guide (here). While browsing the site, I felt this sudden sadness, like going through the pages made me feel like I am searching for something that used to be a part of me. The pictures of the parks I used to visit brought back a lot of memories - happy and sad - and it felt like it all happened a long time ago.

I have separation anxiety. I know.

photo from http://www.annietown.com/

Where Is Batman?!

If anyone is wondering where Batman is lurking around these days, well, speculate no more. I spied upon him the other night, disguised as an Ajossi (old grouchy Korean man) selling fruits and vegetables near the subway station.

Apparently, his loyal servant, Alfred, that elitist of a butler, eloped with Catwoman, after having experienced a heavenly cat lap. Likewise, Gotham City had gone bankrupt; failed to pay electric bills thus forcing the mayor to shutdown the Batman floodlight.

All these issues made Batman a very very lonely person so he decided to abandon his Gotham mansion, sold his costume on e-bay, dismissed his quest for world peace, fighting all sorts of comical villains and enjoy living a pure unadulterated quiet fruity life in South Korea.

The Neighbor

As I was going out of the elevator tonight, I saw this young neighbor running in the hallway with what looked like a bleeding hand. She shoved past me and rushed down the stairs.

Adrenaline mixed with sheer curiosity, I chased her down the stairs; caught her up in the lobby and told her to let me help. She showed me her hand. Blood! I hate blood! She told me that she saw an old eyebrow shaver under her bed and sliced her palm to see if the blade's still sharp.

I took her back to her room to fix the palm before I could think of anything unpleasant to say.

Her room was a big mess. Bottles of Soju (Korean gin) are on the floor. Unwashed dishes on the sink. Looks like the room is not inhabited by a human being. A total slob. The OCD in me wanted to do a cleaning spree but decided that I must do something about her wound first. I went to her bathroom to get some towel or tissue or anything to clean her wound but the toilet bulb is busted.

How can anyone survive with no light in the toilet?!!

She has no first-aid kit. What do I expect? I have none either. I decided to put some super glue on her wound to stop the bleeding and got her a new bulb from the nearby store. Because ordinary Korean neighborhood marts don't carry stuff like iodine or cotton (One can only get them from the pharmacy, which was like 300 meters away from the apartment building and no way I am walking that distance in my already dying feet.) I decided that the super glue will make do for the meantime.

Her toilet bowl is not very pleasant to look at either and it scared me to step on it. I dragged my own chair to her room that I may have something to step on to reach the ceiling.

All this time, she was huddled at the foot of her bed, sobbing.

I wanted to talk to her more but my Korean is limited. She understands no English anyway. I told her to go to a clinic first thing in the morning. She said yes. Went back to my room and turned on the TV and PC.

I wrote a blog earlier to make fun of the situation. However, after posting the entry (in my multiply account), I heard her escalating wailing; I realized then that she was the same girl who's been crying all the time these past few days. I guess it's okay to cry but if you do that at around 2 in the morning, it's not acceptable anymore. In fact, a few nights ago, some of the older neighbors banged on her door and threatened to beat her up that she may have more reason to cry if she doesn't shut up.

I realized then that she did not slice her palm out of stupidity.

I dread to think that perhaps she really wanted to hurt herself. Judging from her wailing and late nights one sided conversation (Yes, I do listen on the wall.), I figured she must be having some fights with her boyfriend on the phone and that is causing her so much grief.

As I write this (which was like 1:45 am), I could hear the landlord scolding her as one of the neighbors again complained that she's making too much noise. They were saying something like if she's not moaning at nights, she's wailing her heart out. I don't know which one is more annoying. I never bothered to listen to her moans.

I hope she won't kill herself. I hope she feels better soon... Me don't want a ghost for a neighbor...

He Died in His Sleep

I've been seeing this news feed on TV about a 38-year old Korean rapper who passed away last Wednesday. I never had time to sit down and really comprehend the news not until this evening when N, a former classmate called, and one Ajumma in the yoga class told me that I should change my ringtone. I am like, Why? I like my ringtone. It makes me wanna dance every time someone calls.

Ajumma told me that the lead rapper of that band had just passed away and it is but polite to give respect, or something like that. I was not able to get the rest of her rambling. They were sort of sad. I thought at first that because the hunk yoga instructor is gone. Didn't know the real reason behind the gloomy atmosphere.

Koreans are like that. When a well known personality dies, it's like the whole country mourns. They'd be solemn for days and as soon as the news fades out, they go back to their usual ways... then... another celebrity passes away.

I am not really into Korean Pop scene. There are very few bands that I like. However, when I first came here, the group was in their peak, and someone was sweet enough to give me a CD of the band's first album as a Christmas gift. I lost the CD during one of those house moving, but the thought that went with that gift is something that to this date I consider, priceless.

As as sign of respect to Im Seong Hoon, the so-called Turtle Man of the band Keoboogi (Turtle), I am posting the MTV of my favorite ringtone, Ulmana (How much).




I think I am going to change my ringtone back to Stupify.

April Fool

APRIL is the cruelest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain

~T.S. Elliot, 1922, The Wasteland

My co-teachers and I are not the best-est of friends. When I was new in the school, our conversation is limited to "Hello Foreign Teacher, how was your weekend?", to which I always reply with a litany of what I did during the weekend. It took me a while to realize that whenever I begin to rant about things I did during days off; the co-teachers would keep silent, smile back and continue doing whatever they were doing before i interrupted them.

There were times however that I can not help but think out loud. It's more like a habit you know, a very bad habit at times, because people who don't really know me well, could regard me as an escapee from the Seoul asylum if they they hear me exchange mindless tete-a-tete with myself.

It was during one of those mindless stunt that I once blurted out loud: "Why are pantyhose so bloody tight? They're strangling my legs." Upon hearing this, my co-teachers stopped in slow motion and asked me to repeat what I just said, which I did. This teacher, let's just call her Teacher 1, one of the more fluent teacher in school, politely retorted: "Foreign Teacher, smart question, please!"

Instead of explaining that it was not a question particularly directed to anyone, I took her reaction lightly and resolve never to talk to myself in public again, especially in the teacher's lounge.

Then, last night, the boss held a meeting about the new salary policy. Taxes and medicare will be deducted starting this month and everyone was aggravated, including me of course. While all the teachers were talking at the same time, I decided to raise my hand to ask a question.

Teacher 1, who was co-presiding the meeting, noticed my raised arm and shushed everyone to hear what I'm about to say. I told them that I have a question. Actually, I just wanted to know when is dinner going to be served. Before I could say anything, Teacher 1 asked if I am going to wonder again why pantyhose are so tight. Everyone started laughing and giggling until they are almost on the verge of farting, with the exception of the boss who was completely clueless as to what was going on. 

I laughed along 'Ha Ha Ha Ha' while secretly reminding myself to replace the bottle of sugar in the pantry with iodized salt before the week is over. 

Yes, it's April fool's day. Them witches will be getting salted coffee starting tomorrow! 
Who's laughing now?

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Street

A blogging buddy in multiply is fond of posting Chicken blogs. To torment her, I would post a comment and ask that perennial question. She has yet to give me a sane answer, so I decided to amuse myself and quizzed the second graders.

The students replied in broken English and Korean, so for the sake of those who can't speak the language and for my own sake as well (as I don't get paid for any Korean translation) I am posting their answers in English, verbatim.

Me: Class, I have a question. The right answer will get 10 merit signatures. Are you ready?

Students: Ready!

Me: Why did the chicken cross the street?

Student 1: Because... because... her mother is on the other side?

Me: No!

Student 2: Because it wants to eat the other chicken?

Me: No!

Student 3: (Thinking long and hard) To poo?!!!

Me: Noooooooooooooo!!!

Student 3: (Tried again) To pee?!!!

Me: Nooooo!!! Chickens don't pee!

Student 3: (He's very persistent) Chicken pee! All animals pee!

Me: You're not allowed to answer anymore!

Student 4: Because it's cold?

Me: Noooooo!!! Come on guys, think! Think!

Student 5: Chicken will go home and eat! Chicken very hungry!!!

Me: Nooooo!!!

Student 6: Chicken scared?

Me: Why is the chicken scared?

Student 6: I don't know. You asked question.

Me: Gawd! Next answer!

Student 7: Chicken play with friends!

Me: Noooooo!!!

Students: Teacher what is right answer?

Me: I don't know. That's why I am asking the question. I was hoping you guys would help me.

Students: Why you ask question you answer don't know?

Me: (I am the Deity's complete lack of surprise) If we know the answer, do we have to ask?

Students: But you said right answer gets 10 points. Teacher liar!

Me: (Slowly entertaining the thought of pushing each one of them out of the window) Because I am the teacher! Because I say so. And I am not lying. I am really going to give 10 points! I promise!

Students: (Conferred among themselves) But teacher doesn't know the answer... How she give points?... Why is teacher like that?... She strange... Yes...teacher very strange...

Me: (Distressed) OK! Open your books on page 11. Let's read "Rainbows".

Student 2: Teacher, what is right answer? Why chicken cross street? Why?

Me: That's your homework!

Students: (Decided not to argue anymore and opened their books on page 11)

So much for self gratification... I should always remember that the rule of Karma applies even in classrooms.

Will someone please tell me the correct answer? I don't want to lose my job! Ngork.

Hanging out with the Girls

Most of the middle school freshmen in our hagwon have been my students since they were in 4th grade so as a graduation gift, I decided to take them out to dinner.

After consuming a cauldron of Galbitang (stewed spicy beef ribs, highly recommended for those who are into spicy soup), they begged to go to the Norebang (literally "sing room", Korean version of karaoke) to show me their singing talent.

A mini video in the karaoke can be viewed here.

Teacher Tell Me Tell Me What Happened

Last month, I posted about my students' daring me to dance in exchange for memorizing 10 new words each day.

I rehearsed for a week. I swear I did. I even secretly memorized the dance steps during yoga classes. During meditation sessions, my brain was trying to perfect the moves. You go to your happy place, I will gyrate in my head.

I even registered in youtube to download the showdown with the six year old from hell. Already I was waiting for a call from some Hollywood talent manager inviting me to audition for the remake of Chicago.

D-day came: I went to school ready for public hanging. I told Teacher K to turn on her PC (she had it password protected to keep the students from playing games online during break period) as I need to play the Tell Me video. Teacher K was like, HWWHAATT??? HWHHHYYY??? When I squealed the specifics, she told me to step outside as she needed to give the students a word or two.

When she was done, I was welcomed by the students with a glare -- that kind of glare that would make even Osama Bin Laden wet in his pants. I knew then that my hopes of replacing Renee Zellwegger had gone down the drain. For the rest of the week, none of them would talk to me. They completely went on a silent mode. Oh well, one can't please all the kids in the world. Ha! Like I cared.

Yeah I did. I still feel so bad to this day. It's like I betrayed them. They are now traumatized for life, and it's because of me.

On another note, I found this Tell Me video with Korean teachers doing the dance craze.



Should I thank Teacher K for saving my ass?

It's All About Vanity, Baby

Last January 25, some mothers came to school to watch me teach. You know, like they just wanna make sure that I am teaching their children the right thing. They drop by in hordes, all perfectly made up, well coiffed hair, all glowing and glittery with the best jewels. It was more like they are going to a cocktail party and decided at the last minute to give the secretly unwell foreign teacher (me) a run over. I don't mind. They do this kind of visit once in a blue moon anyway. And I am not certainly scared of them, Ajummas.

After the class, the parents came up to me and complimented my eyebrows, my ten mega bucks boots and my 5 mega bucks skinny jeans, which they thought were designers. Yeah right! I bought them all in Namdaemun market but of course dare I tell them? I let them think that I am an Apgujeong frequent shopper. Harharhar!

Nobody was impressed that I made the students read a particular sentence five times, to make sure that they get the intonation right. No one noticed my dedication, my strong conviction for the students to understand the lesson and speak English like a native. NOPE.

They are more concerned about my looks, which was not very surprising because most Koreans are very superficial. You see, here in Korea, you may have the brain of a genius, but if you got a face only your mom could love, chances of getting hired is very very slim. Yes, you heard that right.

This is basically the reason why aside from sending their kids to hagwon (Korean term for special schools) to learn English, most parents invest and save up for their kids' "facial alteration" before they go to college. Fix the eyebrow, that crooked nose, that small chin, that oriental eyelid and voila! You are ready to face the world child!

Trust me, this country won't be called the New Plastic Surgery Capital of Asia for nothing. I have no issue with that. There's nothing wrong with their preference anyway. That's the way some Koreans are and I respect it by making sure that I look presentable to my students everyday.

I suspect that if Koreans are to rule the universe, everyone will be required to have a perfect face, a svelte figure and an IQ of 135, which is not so bad... I think. Everyone will be pretty and smart! Yay!

Now, I gotta stop blogging and get myself a mud pack. Me have to look ravishing for the kids and their moms!

It's Snowing You Know

My apartment is approximately 40 minutes away from where I work (ten minutes by subway and another 30 minutes by bus). However this morning, it took me almost two hours to get to school. It snowed cats and dogs from 8 am till the time I got home.

It took me another three hours to get home.

On the way home, 5 minutes away from school, we witnessed this pileup along the intersection of Siheung Highway. Apparently, the truck driver forgot that it was snowing and decided to hit the gas at 90 kilometers per hour.

I had to tell the bus driver to speak in Korean slowly that I may be able to understand what really happened. Ajossi (old Korean man) was not very friendly and told me to just listen, which was not easy because everyone in the bus was so excited they all chattered at the same time.

Good thing is, the truck driver wasn't badly harmed. Bad thing is, I sat idly in the bus, taking pictures of the mishap, for almost an hour, until my butt hurt, crabbily listening to all the old people in the bus who were all busy calling in their relatives about the incident.

Consequently, our bus driver decided to be extra careful. By frequent checking of the speedometer, I deduced that he floored the gas at an average of at least 10 km/hr.

Torture.

Let there be no more snow tomorrow.

Teacher Tell Me Tell Me

If there's one thing that I love most about my students, it's the fact that they definitely know how to make my day. Or BS with me without being obvious...

I told the third graders last Monday that it's the school's new policy for the students to memorize 10 new words each session. They screamed, argued, and threw tantrums in my face. No memorization. They won't do it. I held my ground firm and told them that if they refuse to do so, I won't give them any merit sign on their Bonus Sheet. That silenced them. The Bonus Sheet is like the student's holy grail.

To change the topic, R, a co-teacher's son, candidly commented that I look like one of the girls in this Korean band, Wonder Girls, who, unbeknownst to me, happens to popularize, "Tell Me", a dance craze among kids and teen-agers these days, which the children proudly informed me.

Curiosity invoked, I asked whether the girl I am being compared to is pretty or else, I swore to R that I will throw him out of the window if I find out that the girl looked like one of those ludicrous caricature like singer-dancers. The class told me that she's really an eyeful and... if I could dance like the group... they are going to memorize all the words in the dictionary.

Children never lie, right?

Fine. Deal. Whatever.

I agreed to dance for them even if it would mean breaking my bones in the process. I am a teacher of honor. Ha!

The class cheered. As they were going out of the classroom though, some of them whispered disturbing comments that made me wonder if I made the right decision.

Sonsengnim wi chincha ru choomde halsu ita? Can teacher really dance?

Na mula! Daum chu reul kidarida! I don't know. Let's wait next week! *Giggles*

You wait till I see that video, kids!

As soon as I got home, I googled the said group's MTV and found a really "bubblegum" (according to the BF) dance video of some teeners.



The dance steps are pretty easy but I am not sure I would look decent executing them. Err...

Gawd. What have I gotten myself into this time?

You Pretty Flower Want?

My once upon a time beautiful peppermint plant is dying. What's left of it is a single stem currently hanging on to its dear life. I decided to drop by the flower shop to get some plant vitamins hoping that a tube of nutrients would revive the poor herb.

I told the shop manager, an Ajumma (old Korean lady) what I needed. She asked what particular plant I am going to use it for. She must have forgotten that I bought the peppermint herb from her two months ago. When I was done explaining to her in Korean what kind of herb I have, Ajumma told me that I should not expect the plant to survive the winter.

In a matter-of-fact tone, I informed her that I plan to revive my plant by hook or by crook. Ajumma simply shrugged her shoulders and told me sympathetically that what I need is a miracle, not vitamins.

Subsequently, she insisted I buy a winter plant instead. A poinsettia perhaps? I politely clued in that poinsettias will also die in a few months. If I am to buy a new one, I'll go for a dainty charming plant that would last a longer time. Something that I could take care for ages. Yeah, something like that. I am almost convinced that I could grow a garden out of a single pot of flower.

"Araso." (Understood.)

"Neoneun yepon kot seul wonheyo?" (You pretty flower want?)

"Neh, putakheyo." (Yes, please.)

I was excited to see what she'd get for me...

She took a plastic version of the poinsettia from the stand and delightedly presented the aesthetically crafted Christmas ornament. Sweet brassy permed Ajumma even added that she will give me a discount for a purchase of two.

Gawd!!!

Poshintang

Last Friday, I was getting ready for school when my burly neighbor decided to be nice and share with me a special soup. He said it is called Poshintang. I have heard of that soup before but never had one yet. And since I am used to McDo these days, a homemade meal sounded like manna from heaven. I thanked the good samaritan of a neighbor and went to consume the soup like it's my last meal on earth.

During the 5:30 class, the topic was about healthy food. I mentioned about the Poshintang soup. The class giggled like I just told them the funniest joke on earth. They asked what it tasted like. I told them that it's a pork soup, really spicy but very very delicious. They went nuts when I said that.

Their reaction totally puzzled me so I asked what was going on. One student told me that Poshintang is dog soup.

Jeez.

Much as I want to vomit right there and then, I tried to hold my poise and told the class that I really thought it was yummy. They just laughed in response.

I know... I know... for some people this Korean tradition may be a bit harsh. But to Koreans, Poshintang is a part of their culture -- a custom they have inherited from their forefathers. And who am I to say no to free meal? Besides, I have tried live baby octopus, silk worms and fried grasshopper before. I am not really disgusted anymore.

Still...

This afternoon, I saw the neighbor in the corridor and confronted him slyly about the dog soup that he fed me with unwillingly. He was like: You like it? Yummy? Want some more?

I ran back to my room before he hands me another bowl. No more soup from the neighbors from this day onward.

By the way, picture on the right is the whiny labrador who lives across the apartment. He keeps me up at nights. Oh, the total torture of hearing him howl and growl in the middle of the night. He totally threw his nose up in the air when he saw me taking that picture. One of these days, I am going to make a Poshintang out of him.

I swear.

On Narcissism

I often wonder whether the Elite class enjoys hour long of nightly conference chat online to concoct an elaborate scheme of making my life horrible, or it's simply their current "mission-vision" thing-y.

Just when I would start thinking that everything is going on smoothly, that the students are tired of making my life hell-ish, these future rulers of South Korea always come up with something that would eventually give me panic attacks.

Me: (On Myths of Flowers)... When he saw his reflection in the water, he fell in love with it. He could not leave and he spent the rest of his life by the spring admiring his own reflection. Narcissus's body eventually turned into a flower...

Smart Ass 1: Teacher, is that true?

Me: No class, this is mythology. I explained earlier before we started reading this story. Do you remember?

SA 3: Teacher, my mommy always look in the mirror. Why she no change into flower?

Me: This is just mythology. A myth. It doesn't apply to common people like your mom.

SA 3: Teacher, my mother not common people!

Me: Whatever! Are there any questions? A real question perhaps?

SA 4: Teacher, teacher, my mommy also always look in the mirror. Many hours looking in the mirror... why not change to flower?

SAs: (All talking in English and Korean at the same time) Yeah, my mommy too. Always make up and spend many hours in the mirror. No change!

Me: (Already jaded knowing that this nonsense tete-a-tete could go on forever if I don't say something nice.) Alright guys. Do you really want your moms to turn into flowers?

SAs: Yes teacher! Me want mommy turn to flower! Yay!

Me: Next time you see your moms looking in the mirror, please tie her to a chair and make sure she looks at herself all day long. Stand by and watch if she turns into a flower. Then you let me know.

(Totally amused with myself upon saying this. I'm smarting already. I know that).

SA 1: Teacher, mommy will get angry!

SA 2: Yes teacher! Who cook food?!!

Me: (Hyperventilating) Then you go dine out! Ha ha ha!

SA 5: (The cruelest of 'em all) Teacher, I do that. I tie mom to the chair. If mom gets angry, I say teacher said. OK?

Me: (Talking to her imaginary friend) Is there a life in the outer space? Are aliens true? I wish they abduct me now.

Patience is a virtue I have to master.

Till Fashion Do Us Apart...

Matching outfit is a trend here in Korea and I'm guessing anywhere in the world. Couples dressed alike are very amusing to look at, but sometimes it can get annoying to a point that I very much like to push both of them onto subway tracks.

Take a good look at this couple, one of the many twin-fashioned partners that I chase around in supermarkets (not to mention malls, museums, palaces and subway stations) during bored moments.

By the way, the Ajumma (old Korean woman) on the left side has nothing to do with the lovers.

Stripes must be just the season's in thing. Hmmmm...

Meet the First Graders

My boss told me to take some pictures of the first graders for the school's website. I asked the kids to sit still and pose nicely.

As soon as I said, "Cheese", they decided to do their thing-y.

Boy in Blue: Here's your crown, Chuckie!
Girl in Black: I'll poke your eyes, you, you pretentious Princess!
Girl in Yellow: I can't pull her hair. It's braided.
Boy in Green: The toy looks nice on your head, Princess.
Girl in Green: Oh please people. I'm too pretty for you all.

GIB: I'll pull your remaining teeth with teacher's pen!
BIB: Me so scared!
GIY: Gosh! I'm so hot!
GIG: This is boring...
BIG: I should be in the center! I'm the Princess!

GIB: Die biatch!
GIP: Trust me sister, I eat pens for lunch!
BIB: I'm outta here! You people are freaks!
GIY: No close up please!
BIG: Come on, let's have a make-over.
GIG: I so totally don't need it.

Guess, the teacher's a bad influence huh?

Choosing Students

My boss finally decided to hire a new foreign teacher. Thank goodness. Not complaining here but handling all 150 students in a week, for 6 hours everyday, is probably like having sex with an NFL team on a weekly basis. (I dunno why I made that analogy. I just thought of that.) I am terribly exhausted at the end of each class and often wonder if I'd be able to work again the following day.

And since I can now consider myself a senior teacher, I have the option of choosing which class to handle for the homeroom.

Should I choose the parrot like students?

Me: Class, repeat after me.

Class: Class, repeat after me.

Me: Read from the top.

Class: Read from the top.

Or the smart assess who never fail to give me a migraine.

Me: (Reading from the book) And Herman Cortes, the conquistador, after coming back from Mexico, presented the King of Spain with the cacao seeds from the Mayans and that started the popularity of chocolate in Europe.

Smart Ass 1: Why Cortes give King only chocolate?

Me: Maybe because the King likes chocolates?

Smart Ass 2: Kings don't like chocolates.

Me: How did you know that? Do you know any king who hates chocolate?

Smart Ass 2: No teacher. Do you?

Me: (Silently prayed, God grant me the serenity...)

Smart Ass 3: Why Cortes not give King gold?

Smart Ass 4: Yes, teacher. Why no necklace?

Smart Ass 5: I'm Cortes, I give King gold watch.

Me: (On the verge of hysteria) Perhaps Cortes also brought with him some gold and jewelries. But we are talking about the origin of chocolate here that's why the other gifts are not mentioned.

Smart Ass 6: Maybe Cortes is poor.

Me: Whatever! Can you guys just please google the answers to your other questions? That's your homework! (Continued her prayers)

I forgot, the smart-asses' parents personally requested ME to handle the Elite Class, as they don't trust the new teacher (whom they haven't even met yet).

Guess I have not much choice huh?

Teacher Wears That-Can't-Be-Named

Yesterday, I noticed the students fall into deathly mutterings whenever I write something on the whiteboard. The Elite class (they are smart-asses for a reason, believe me) are not usually like that : me turning around means the chance to check the celphones; another turn on the Rubik's cube; finish the homework, etcetera. However, for no particular reason at all, they were very animated with their convos. I caught glimpses of the murmurings.

She is not... She is!... Can you see it?... Can't!... Can you?... Gross!... Why don't you ask her?... I don't want to... You do it... Shhh... she's done writing...

*Silence*

Me: Okay, so what is going on here?

Sara: Teacher, Diane has a question.

(Because Diane is the youngest, she's always obliged to speak for the whole group, especially if it's one of them really important issues, that has to be discussed with Teacher.)

Me: Yes, Diane?

Diane: Teacher... teacher... you not angry?

Me: Why? What have you done this time?

Diane: Nothing!

Me: So what is the problem?

Diane: Teacher, you wearing white pants.

Me: Of course! It's summer!

Diane: But teacher you no panties!

At this point, I noticed everyone suppressing everything: from laughing to giggling to burfing to farting. Each was hanging on to what I was gonna say next.

Me: What? What did you say Diane?

Diane: You no panty?

Me: Of course I am wearing one but you can't see it because it's a thong!

Diane: What's a thong?

Me: You know, this is so absurd. Do you have any better questions Diane?

Diane: Teacher you sure you wear panty?

Me: (Already plotting a glamorous way of getting rid of this arrogant elf) Of course, I am! You want to see them?

Class: (Shrieking at the same time) Nooooooooooooo!!! Please, please teacher nooooo!!! She's so gross! Teacher's bad! Bad teacher!

Me: That's it! Diane, you stay after the class! I'm going to call your mom!

Diane: (Giving me her sweetest devil-ish grin) Teacher, you like chocolate? I give you Hersheys!

Of course, teacher was pacified and ate all Diane's Hersheys. Class was dismissed with them still wondering what a thong is. Poor little kids. I'm going to bring my green one to show them this Monday.

Yay!

I Did Something Bad Today

I was getting late earlier and I have no time to iron my dress, so I decided to hang it inside the bathroom to steam it. I turned the shower on, closed the door and went to prepare my breakfast.

After breakfast, I realized it's almost time to take a bath. When I opened the door, a great cloud of steam came out. I saw my dress' creases disappeared like it was ironed. Ha! Great. I prepared the rest of my outfit and was laying them on the bed, when the fire alarm blasted. The steam coming out of the toilet activated the smoke detector.

Panicking, I opened the windows to let the steam out, totally ignoring the freezing weather outside. The alarm kept ringing. The noise was defeaning so I opened the main door and saw that the rest of my neighbors were hurrying out of their rooms. I knew that I was the culprit but I ran out with my co-tenants downstairs. Should I remain in my room and evoke suspicion? Nah! I watch too many CSI shows you know.

Everyone was wondering what could have triggered the alarm. Of course, dare I admit it? I acted as though I knew nothing. And since am the hooligan who started the chaos, I kept to myself and prayed that the alarm would stop. I was already running late, not to mention, scared to my balls that the landlord would arrive soon to check on us.

I showered in record time, dressed up and hurried to school.

As I was starting my first class, the landlord called. Because am really guilty, I could not bring myself to fully comprehend what he's saying. I told him to call my friend, whom I already confessed to the little crime I did on the way to school (and I am pretty sure my friend will never tell on me). Apparently, the landlord was only wanting permission to get inside my room to check the alarm. As there was really no fire, he wondered obsessively what could have started the early morning hullabaloo.

I swear, I will never steam my dress again. Ever.

On second thought, I will remind myself to ducktape the smoke detector. Yay!!!