Sonnet to Fathers

Eight Things I've Learned As an Adult

To commemorate their birthdays, some would write the number of things they’ve learned according to their age. I am not going to do that. You seriously want me to come up with more than 40 something stuff?

Let’s just stick to the eight most important things I’ve learned as an adult. It’s more than eight, but in my book, they are the bestest things. Bear with me.

1. My Parents Rock. No. They Are My Rock.

Sure, there was a time in our lives when we wish our parents would just leave us alone or disappear in the middle of the night, stuff like that. We were all teenagers once. Hello.

I got older and went through several ups and downs; it’s when I learned that there are only TWO people who will never ever desert me no matter what – MY PARENTS.

We may have our share of arguments, fights, misunderstandings and such, but at the end of the day, my parents support me unconditionally. And I have to include my wonderful siblings. They are so throwing tantrums, I forgot to mention them. Doh. 

I love them all to the moon and back!

2. My Bestest Accomplishment - My Son

We all go through life wondering what we have accomplished, forgetting the essentials.

I used to think that I would be a failure as a single mom. As it turns out, my son brought out the best in me. Raising him was the greatest feat I have ever done in my whole life. He may not be the awesomest son one could ever hope for, to me, he’s the best thing that ever happened. 

Because of him, I’ve learned that in order not to get disappointed, I should never expect anything. Nothing at all. 

When are you going to buy me a branded purse?

Mom, you take the public commute. The branded purse would look like a knock-off. 

Bitch has a point. 

3. The More the Merrier. Not True. Few Friends Matter. 

When I was younger, I love having lots of friends, thinking that the more friends one has, the better. 

No. Not true at all. 

As you grow older, you will realize that you don’t really need lots of friends. You need QUALITY friends who will be there no matter what. Sure, these few selected friends can be judgmental bitches, but hey, they will never abandon you in times of trouble. 

That’s good enough to know. 

4. What Other People Say Don’t Count

Live life as you wish. The others can screw themselves. They don’t know what you go through each day. They can judge you for as long as they want;what matters is that you do whatever you want, and be happy about it. 

Life is too short to worry about what others will say. Do what you want, be who you are, and the world can fuck itself for all you care. 

5. Material Things Don’t Really Count

We spend so much time working. Sweating it out literally and figuratively, day in and day out, to make both ends meet. We always try to give the best to our family; buying them stuff we thought would make them happy, not really understanding that material things fade. 

What our family needs is quality time. 

It doesn’t matter whether it’s just a simple bonding at home, or an occasional movie and dinner now and then. The material things lose its value eventually, but the time we give to our loved ones, they will always treasure.

6. Love is Not the Be All and End All of Life

I used to love the idea of being in love. I was a hopeless romantic. I think I still am. 

Ehh. 

I can now look back at the past loves and laugh about it and wonder, the hell did I fall in love with that jerk. Those kinds of things. 

I’ve learned that while having someone to love and be loved back is great, being alone isn’t so bad after all. Life isn’t just about boyfriend or girlfriend. There’s more to life if we just open our eyes and set our priorities right. 

7. Action Movies Can Get Boring

I think it goes with aging. I used to love gory action movies. Now, am just bored to death. Hands and legs being sawn off. Boring. Death defying stunts. Horror movies. Boring. Boring. Boring. I’ve learned that as priorities change when we get older, and so do our interests. 

I used to hate James Bond. Sean Connery is old and I hate his British accent. 

Now, heck, I’m looking for a British editor! And I want to marry Daniel Craig! 

8. Kids Are The Best

Being an ESL teacher for more than five years in Korea taught me the value of loving kids other than my own. I used to hate kids. Seriously. To me, they are annoying little creatures created to torment me. 

Now, that I deal with adults daily, I’ve learned to appreciate children as better co-workers.

They throw tantrums, which is understandable because they are children. They change their minds as often as the wind blows, because that's what kids do! They play favorites, because children are entitled to have favorites. If anything, children don’t do positive scripting. They don't have to. They don't need to. 

I hate your dress. You look silly, teacher Mj. (Don't you just love the kids' honesty?)

Aw, you look fabulous yourself. (Good gad, where the hell is her fashion sense?!!! - Adult problems) 

A Single Mom's Pride

Earlier, as I watch my son light the Candle of Hope during their baccalaureate mass, I can't help but feel this overwhelming sense of pride. We've definitely come a long long way.

I used to think that I wouldn't make it. That being a single parent will be a challenge I might not fulfill.  That I might fail my son and myself for that matter. There were just too many hurdles. But along the way, through the hardships and struggles, I am lucky to have found a really awesome support system --parents, family and friends -- who helped in one way or another. And I can't thank them enough.

Being a single  parent is not for the faint of heart; it's not for the weaklings or quitters. There's a ton of responsibility that goes with raising a child alone. It requires strength, courage, a lot of tears and most of all, determination. The fortitude to give him a good life.

I know my son had his share of struggles, too. And I can only hope that the love, support and guidance my parents and I give him fill in whatever void he may have now and then. Despite the hardships, his effort to obtain a degree is admirable. He made us really proud.

As I listened to the Homily, I was reminded of this quote from Farrah Fawcett: My number one goal is to love, support and be there for my son.

In two days, the fulfillment of our dreams will be a reality. My parents and I will watch him with pride (and perhaps a tear or two) as he march on stage and receive his diploma. The moment will be priceless... We've gone a long way. Yes, true. But this is not the end. I won't stop loving, supporting and being there for him.

Congratulations, son!

Project MJ - Secret Life Revealed

This week has been full of surprises. And I couldn't thank enough the wonderful people who gone the extra mile to surprise me on my __th birthday (age is a fill-in-the-blank thingy).

1. My son gifted me with  a favorite-- rocky road cake-- for the first time ever. From his pocket. From his first earning. Made me so damn proud. So grown up and generous and all.

2. Got wonderful wishes, greetings, and gifts from family, friends, and co-workers (past and present). Wines, roses, perfume and fashion accessories. You guys know me so well. Even  the scroog-iest person I know was generous enough to give me a really cool gift. Thank you! 

3. And the bestest gift I got this year is the surprise birthday party from my Truelogic Family. 

Complete with  18 roses from the guys in the office. I nearly cried at this point because I never had a formal debut party. Years ago, before iPhone was invented, I celebrated my 18th birthday in a Billy Idol Slam Dance/New Wave themed party shared with a church friend.

My former eldest son in the office, Mike, joined in and so did Ed, my ex-boss. The surprise party would have been more authentic had I not blown up my son's supposed participation. He didn't join anyway. Said he was too shy. Truth be told, he hates parties. I dunno. Don't ask me. 

The surprise didn't stop there. 

The writers and editors, HR, and some of the OPs people prepared a mini-film.

The video, a hilarious rendition of what my life "used to be", cracked me up so much/moved me to pieces. These are the people that I drive to wits end every single day, and they even had time to convince the big boss to be silly? How cool is that.

The celebration was capped with beers, Mojitos, chips and refills of nonstop laughing with the awesomest people from work. 

To Mafe, who wrote a fabulous blog about me and to everyone else who made my birthday this year truly memorable, thank you ever so much. You have no idea how happy you guys made me. *Sniff* 

May God bless you always that you continue to be a blessing to others.

Summer Is Definitely Here

The scorching heat tells us Filipinos that summer is definitely here.

For the beach bums, it's time to prep the abs, get bikini wax, new swimming outfit, planning the vacation getaway, etc...

For workaholics like me, it means early sunrise, which translates to you-gotta-wake-up-and-commute-now-before-it-gets-too-hot-outside and you-can't-wear-those-lil-black-dress-lest-you-want-to-have-a-series-of-hot-flushes. The choices I have.

There might be some plans coming along. And hopefully, no spoiler to ruin them. You know those people. It's like, other people are not meant to have a good time. It's like about them all the time.

Oh well.

On another note, I should be dieting soon. Lest I want to be like one of those blue-whale shark (butanding), sure. I need to eat less. And when I say less, one slice of cake and pizza a day should suffice. Sigh.

This is my dream spot this summer. Wish I could go. Am sure my folks and son would love it there.

 

Where is yours? 

The Year That Was...

So, this is Christmas

And what have you done?

Another year over

And a new one just begun

~ John Lennon

A lot of people on FB and Instagram have this picture collage of their most memorable moments of 2013. I couldn't make any. I have lots of photos taken, sure, but there is so much that I don't know how to put them all together.

The photo's not awesome, but the write-up is good. I think. 

Other than pictures, I have in my head a compilation of everything great that happened in 2013. I am not going to bore you with the details, just know that 2013 has been awesome.

OK. Fine, here they are:

January: What did I do in January? I can't remember!

February: I can't remember again! 

March: I was featured in Hotjobs. Centerfold, baby! 

With pretty pressies from friends

April: Oh my birthday! I didn't do anything fab! We had this company contest and I didn't win. Oh well... 

May: Summer is almost over and I haven't seen the ocean for some time and was planning to go, but work got in the way.

June: I didn't get married. And some people that I really like left the company. Sad. 

July: My team is finally back in one shift. We were split into day and evening shifts in August 2012. The horror of commuting home at 2 am! OMG! So happy! Woot! Woot!

August: Son got sick. Almost dengue, but thank God he got better. I spent 4 days in the hospital with him. Scariest days of my life.

September: Went by so fast, I didn't even notice.

The Truelogic Awesome Peeps

October: Company outing and Halloween party, Mamu's birthday, and the visit to Angela!

November: What did I do last November? November rain is what happened. Yolanda. Devastated lives. Our relatives including. Good thing that nothing really bad happened to my mom's siblings and their families. God is good!

December: Got awarded with a fab set of purse and wallet and a trophy that says I'm a Game Changer. How cool is that? Then, Papu's birthday celebration and the Hobbit movie. Met up with good college friends and their loved ones. And the holidays came and went just like that.

Here with Denis Ayeng (One of my mentors! Yay)

I have no new year's resolution. I resolved years ago not to make one because I always end up not following them anyway. A complete waste of time if I may say. Writing your new year's resolution doesn't happen overnight. Hello. It takes time and effort and will power.

I am not good with will power. In fact, I don't have one. I'm a spontaneous person.

My team in Oyster Bar. 12.20.2013 with our CEO

I will continue my fairy tale saga and sell the plot to SNL or whoever is interested. Who knows, I might even find someone filthy rich to marry me.

We don't know what the future holds.

Dia de Muertos

Or Day of the Dead, All Hallows' Eve  or Halloween is one of the biggest holidays here in the Philippines (and in some parts of the globe). Other than Christmas Day, from October 31 to November 2, Filipinos prepare (a lot!) to honor their departed loved ones.

Our office had a little Halloween party last October 31st. I said little because it was not as extravagant as it was last  year. Considering the short span of time to prepare, HR peeps pulled it off. I volunteered to be one of the judges.When asked why I wanted to be a judge, I couldn't admit that I have already told everyone that I'm a judge and I've accepted bribes, right?

As always, the creativity of Truelogic members is amazing. Look at these photos!

Ops Night Shit - Plants Vs. Zombies theme. Had there been more time to prepare, I'm sure they would've done better.

Elmo is a friggin perve and here's the proof!

Ops Day Shift won second place. 

Even the OJTs had a lot of fun! 

The boss attempted a selfie with me. Looks like he loved the kitty cat ears Ciara lent us.

More photos in FJ's album.

I think people took a bunch  of photos during the party. Everywhere I go, there are groups taking photos. Never a shortage of photos. I am sure the Halloween party is just one excuse to take photos of themselves in fancy costumes. Just my theory. You can always prove me wrong.

The following day, we visited my daughter's grave. She passed away on All Hallow's Eve 16 years ago. Sucks huh? You left her all smiling and giggling that morning. Then  in the afternoon, you find yourself holding her tiny hand in the ICU while she drew her last breath.

They say time heals all wounds but this one is definitely not  healing at all. Never.

We brought her pretty flowers and had a picnic. The nieces and nephews ran around. There were so many people in the cemetery, with some even playing loud music, probably enticing the dead to wake up. 

It was all good. But Hallowen will always be a sad sad day for me no matter what...

The Mother Who Rocks the World

Mother may be a potential winner for the "Whiny of the Year" award; to me, she is the greatest woman I would ever love. 

I don't know any other being who would go through so much to make all of her 6 children live a better life. To this woman her own happiness comes last; her children's welfare is always the priority.

Happy Mother's Day Nanay! I miss you a lot...

Likewise, Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers in the world, especially to my dearest pals, online and in real, old and new ones alike. You all know you rock as moms! Yay!

*This picture was taken during my son's 6th grade graduation day two years ago. I wasn't there to witness the occasion but obviously Nanay is more than enough to fill in my shoes.

Grattis Syrran

It's Svenska (Swedish) for "Happy Birthday Sister". Today, I got the bestest birthday gift from my sister, Len: a lovely birthday card with a flowery dress on the cover, bearing a very meaningful message, and a postcard photo of my adorable niece, Denise. Yay!

*click on the photo to see the original

I cried when I got them. I still can't accept the fact that we don't live on the same house anymore; that she's so far away; her youngest child, I will never had the chance of carrying or hugging or squeezing, like what I used to do with her first born, Mariella, who's the same age with my daughter.

I know one day... we will be together again... and I will have the chance to kiss my nieces; drag them to the mall with me and buy whatever Bratz doll they like. And maybe perhaps convince them to live with me! Yay!

The Baby Has Spoken

Sister finally posted Denise's official pictures in her multiply site. I took the liberty of expressing what I believe are the unspoken words of the two week old infant.

Coming of Age

I woke up mushy today. Call it end of winter blues? Maybe... I don't know.

What I know is that I got a very touchy message from my brother Frederick, next to the youngest. He will be turning 31 on the 23rd. As a birthday gift for himself, I was quite sure that with the cellphone mania going among Filipinos, this brother would have nothing in the world but a brand new one. It was expected anyway. Who in their single earning life wouldn't want a spanking kick-ass new phone, especially in the Philippines?

I was surprised to read that he bought Mother a new phone instead.

He wrote that Mom had always wanted a new phone, so he decided to buy her one. He probably got tired of hearing her whine all the time when the dang phone magically turns itself off every after few minutes. Or she must be throwing hints here and there, so to stop the walls from screaming back at Nanay, he just granted her wish.

Knowing my little brother, I am sure he just wanted to please the woman, to make up for those times that he gave her unbearable headaches. And I am so proud of my little brother. He indeed has come of age.

Gone are the days when he was considered as the black sheep of the family: giving the folks antsy moments with the pranks he constantly pulls back then. He has no idea how much I cry whenever I hear about his misdemeanors. I felt like a failure as the eldest in the family.

Tonight, he made me cry again... this time... the tears are of joy, of pride. He will always be my baby brother, the one I thought I'd be taking care of for the rest of his screwed up life. I must have underestimated my brother, for these days, he's taking great care of my son for me -- providing Rue the fatherly love that he needs -- and some guitar lessons to boot.

My little brother had finally grown up... And it's about time!

New Baby on the Block

Meet Denise, my newest niece. She was born on the 22nd of February to proud parents Len and Hakan.

We had a conference chat this afternoon and she was a sight to behold. As if knowing that everyone's talking about her, she would give us a sample of her killer smile from time to time.

Can't wait for her to grow up and go shopping with me.

The Future Rock Star

Two nights ago while talking to the son, he suddenly said he's going to play something for me. He mentioned something like "I know these are some of your favorites".

I was very surprised to hear him strum "In The End" and "Faint"* by Linkin Park.

I almost choked in pride. Actually, I cried in the bus. When the son asked me if I like it, I told him that I love it soooo much. I imagined him grin from ear-to-ear, something he does when he's extremely pleased with himself.

I can not believe my ears that the ten year-old boy I left home three years ago, can now play something real other than the first few lines of REM's "The One I Love", which was a favorite when he was about five.

It's too bad that my celphone doesn't have a record feature. It would have been great to share with you guys the very reason why I am slaving myself away here in Korea.

He's growing up fast and I am missing terribly the important years of his life. But it's all worth it... we will be together soon and... I am going to be a future Rockstar Mom. That I am very sure.

*I searched in youtube a similar acoustic intro version of that song. More or less, the son played the intro part like this.

**Sniff**

The Guitar Man

After what seemed to be an eternity, I was able to talk to Rue finally. My phone got busted and I never had time to go to the service center. Blah. Blah. Although I still can not receive and send text messages as the screen is virtually blank, I can now make and receive calls. Yay!

Of course, my beloved boy told me that he missed me a lot and that his "birdie" is now healing. I was tempted to tell him not to please have sex without any girls yet. Waaa! But I didn't want to gross out my son so I bit my tongue and just told him how my days are without him. I am so in denial that he is now a budding man. Whatever!

We had a little chit chat about this and that, and then, my son, known for being straight to the point, told me that he wants a guitar. He wants to play the electric guitar that his father left him but he needs to take some lessons first. Upon hearing this, I wanted to scream "Yay! Am going to be the mom of a future famous rock star! Yipeee!"

Then unconsciously, my head wandered off to the future; seeing myself as a roadie. Err, I think I would look too old to be a roadie. How about a groupie? No? I changed the scenario. I'm the manager. Ewww, why do I have this evil feeling that as their manager, my son fired me?

Heck, I told my son that as long as he promises to study really hard, I am going to send him the dough to buy a guitar. Of course, the young Joe Satriani wanna be swear to high heavens he will study a lot more. He even said "I swear Mom, I will study a hundred times more everyday!" I didn't really understand why he giggled after he said that.

Wait... what if Rue does become a Rock Star? Will I be allowed to hang out with my son? Hmmm... I will have to plan this. And the outfits befitting to the royal matriarch of a rock star. Yes, I should start planning as early as now.

One Leap to Manhood

Yesterday, 26 March 2006, my only child, Rue graduated from grade school. I promised him some eons ago that mommy will be home for his graduation. Sadly though I didn't fulfill my pledge. I wasn't able to go home for a lot of reasons. Suffice to say that my son wasn't too happy when he heard of this very unfortunate news.

Weeks before the commencement date, we had another heart-wrenching conversation. As I was trying to outline my justfication for not making it on his graduation day, he told me that he wants me home because he misses me badly. Little did he know that I miss him more than ever. Just like that and I broke down and cried myself to death before I eventually drifted to sleep.

Yesterday, as witnessed in the pictures that my sister sent me, my son didn't look too happy in his toga. It broke my heart again that I was not there to pin his loyalty award medal. It saddened me to think that it will be a while before we will be together again. It pained me that it will be several days and months before we would enjoy each other's company again. It will be a while I know, but Rue and I will be together again... for good. That much I know. Just the thought of it makes me happy already.

Now as I reflect on the fact that my son is going to highschool in two months time, I can't help but panic. Not that I worry about his school fees or anything. It's beyond that. I know that going through this pubescent period would be very difficult for someone whose only parent is so far away from him. I try not to worry as I know that God will always be there to guide the two of us. There are some moments though that I can't help but wonder what would happen next, now that he's going to be a teen-ager soon.

Grade school graduation for now. Before I knew it, he will be off to baccalaureate mass. After that, wedding then baptismal of my first grandchild.

Accckk... Isn't it too soon to worry?