April Fool

APRIL is the cruelest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain

~T.S. Elliot, 1922, The Wasteland

My co-teachers and I are not the best-est of friends. When I was new in the school, our conversation is limited to "Hello Foreign Teacher, how was your weekend?", to which I always reply with a litany of what I did during the weekend. It took me a while to realize that whenever I begin to rant about things I did during days off; the co-teachers would keep silent, smile back and continue doing whatever they were doing before i interrupted them.

There were times however that I can not help but think out loud. It's more like a habit you know, a very bad habit at times, because people who don't really know me well, could regard me as an escapee from the Seoul asylum if they they hear me exchange mindless tete-a-tete with myself.

It was during one of those mindless stunt that I once blurted out loud: "Why are pantyhose so bloody tight? They're strangling my legs." Upon hearing this, my co-teachers stopped in slow motion and asked me to repeat what I just said, which I did. This teacher, let's just call her Teacher 1, one of the more fluent teacher in school, politely retorted: "Foreign Teacher, smart question, please!"

Instead of explaining that it was not a question particularly directed to anyone, I took her reaction lightly and resolve never to talk to myself in public again, especially in the teacher's lounge.

Then, last night, the boss held a meeting about the new salary policy. Taxes and medicare will be deducted starting this month and everyone was aggravated, including me of course. While all the teachers were talking at the same time, I decided to raise my hand to ask a question.

Teacher 1, who was co-presiding the meeting, noticed my raised arm and shushed everyone to hear what I'm about to say. I told them that I have a question. Actually, I just wanted to know when is dinner going to be served. Before I could say anything, Teacher 1 asked if I am going to wonder again why pantyhose are so tight. Everyone started laughing and giggling until they are almost on the verge of farting, with the exception of the boss who was completely clueless as to what was going on. 

I laughed along 'Ha Ha Ha Ha' while secretly reminding myself to replace the bottle of sugar in the pantry with iodized salt before the week is over. 

Yes, it's April fool's day. Them witches will be getting salted coffee starting tomorrow! 
Who's laughing now?