What Happens if Elsa Face Off with Moana?

I wrote this during one of those really long commute sometime last December. When you travel for more than 4 hours daily you gotta find something creative to do. Otherwise, you may end up murdering your co-commuters out of boredom.  

Disclaimer: This blog is not meant to harm anyone from Disney nor discredit any of its wholesome movie characters. This blog is not meant to be read by anyone under 13 either. Parental guidance is advised. 

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In the vast sitting room of Arandelle, Elsa is seen contemplating.

Elsa: [talking to herself] What do I do now that Frozen 2 got that low rating in IMDB? What the flackers do these people want from us? I mean hello, it's not easy to beat the hell out of those  Ahtohallan spirits. Come on, people!

[Loud knock at the door]

Guard: [clears throat] Your Majesty, a girl named Moana from the Island of  Motunui, is here to see you.

Elsa: [thinks out loud] Who the fook is Moana?

Guard: [startled] I'm sorry, Your Majesty? I have no idea either who Moana is. Are you free to see her? 

Elsa: [regained her composure and spoke sweetly as she's expected to] Oh please let her in! 

[Moana enters, bowing to Queen Elsa]

Your highness, I am here to seek your help.

Elsa: Moana! I so Googled you and I found out that you have the power to talk to the waters. Why! We have so much in common! Come here! Sit down!

Moana: I am not here to chat with you. I am here to talk to you about my island.

Elsa: Excuse me! Why are we so bitchy already? What do you want?

Moana: Leave my island alone! We read your tweet and you're planning to freeze the Polynesian Islands! Is that because your movie flopped?!

Elsa: [now totally upset] Wait, what?! WTF! Frozen 2 is not a flop! Some people are just being...

Moana: [cutting Elsa off] You haven't been reading what people are writing on Reddit!

Elsa: People on Reddit are morons! Pretentious cowards hiding under pseudonyms! Their ratings don't count!

Moana: Just admit it, your movie flopped and you're not going to freeze the Polynesian islands!

Elsa: [laughs her brains out] Oh is that what you're thinking? Are you so obsessed with the first movie that you're stalking me online, even getting the help of the dark web to ruin my reputation?

Moana: [exasperated] You crazy bitch with your crazy eyes! Please! Get a life! I am here to talk to you nicely and here you are acting like a psycho!

Elsa: [being bipolar is difficult, she couldn't decide to be nice or to freeze Moana right there and then] Ok, Moana, let's start all over again. What can I do for you?

Moana: [being passive-aggressive isn't her thing so she went on a full beast mode] I am here to wage a war if you continue your plans of freezing my island.

Elsa: Hello. Haven't you been reading social media etiquette? You're not supposed to take everything seriously!

Moana: Etiquette my friggin ass! You aren't supposed to post stuff that harms the well being of islanders!

Elsa: Hahhaha! Do you guys have Twitter? Like seriously? Are you following me? No? Or are you just stalking me? Come on now! That's just a joke!

Moana: Joke or not, you're not supposed to post that!

Elsa: OK. Fine! Where's Maui?

Moana: Why do you need Maui?

Elsa: So I could freeze you both!

Moana: [throws her spear to the nearby sofa] The next thing that spear will hit is your head.

Elsa: Lemme just freeze that spear now!

[Maui suddenly appeared out of nowhere]

Maui: [acting cool and all] OK, What are you two bitches up to?

Moana: Elsa is going to freeze our island!

Maui: For real? Hey Elsa, nice to meet you! Love your DP, btw. So cool!

Elsa: Hey! Look what we have here! Another stalker!

Maui: Take back what you said or I will send tidal waves to Arendelle!

Elsa: [dials her phone] Anna? Anna! Please bring my meds here! There are two psychos here threatening my life!

Maui and Moana poised themselves for a battle when they heard a loud crash.

[Anna came in with Elsa's prescription meds on her hand, iPad on the other, with Sven in tow who is obviously watching something on his iPad]

[her eyes widened when she saw Moana and Maui] 

Anna: Daebak! Omo! Omo! Is that you Moana and Maui?! Daebak! 

[she tried to hide her excitement when she saw her sister's crazy eyes] 

Anna: Sorry sister, I was watching Crash Landing on YouTube and I couldn't get here in time so I asked Sven to bring the meds here instead but he too is hooked on CLY.

Elsa: [totally exasperated and glared at Anna and Sven. shifted her icy glare on Maui and Moana] OK, That's it! You two get out of my palace!

Moana and Maui: But we're not done with you!

Elsa: You either leave now or am going to tie you both and make you watch that CLY drama or whatever those two fools are watching until your eyes bleed!

Moana and Maui: Is it a good KPop drama?

Anna and Sven: Yessssssssss! We're hooked! Y'all gonna love Captain Ri!

Moana and Maui: You have popcorn and soda?

Anna: We also have kimchi!

Moana and Maui: Yay! Let's go!

Elsa: Wait! You bitches aren't leaving me just like that! 

Moana, Maui, Anna, and Sven: Oh, yes we can!

Elsa: [really furious] You leave me here, hell will freeze over!

Anna: Why don't you just follow Hyun Bin on Twitter while we watch? Find @withhyunbin! Ta ta, sister!

Elsa: [already busily searching for Hyun Bin on Twitter and when she finds it gleefully screamed and continued to browse through his tweets, forgetting about Moana,  the Polynesian Island, Maui, and her KDrama diehard sister, Anna]

We will continue next time.

Summer Haiku

Summer I waited
Salty air, smell of the sea

image source: https://www.rawpixel.com/

Turn on the AC

©deity05032020

Sonnet to Covid

Covid, when are you ever going away
We yearn to live another day
Free of worry, free of anxiety
Living free in a peaceful society
We want to see our loved ones so dear
Without the sickness or needless fear
We want to travel and see the world
We do our share to flatten the curve
The lessons we've learned well, so let us be
All these times locked up we've changed, you see

We know now that honey is no value
If you're both stuck at home like a glue
Nothing to eat, soul and body both hungry
Watching news all day that makes us angry
You have brought so much to our lives
Lessons, values, realities aligned
To die alone in a lonely room we may resign
The rich and the poor both not immune
To news of vaccine, we all stay tuned
Now more than ever the future we can't tell
So, covid if you could read this, just go to hell 😞

©deity05012020

Winning the Battle Even Before the Battle Starts

I decided to write down the ordeal I went through for the last three months that I may remember in the future how bravely I won a battle even before the battle started.

It all started with heavy bleeding back in December 2011. Since then, I would bleed excessively (more than 10 days) that it became normal to consume at least 30 to 40 pads monthly. I would even joke around that Modess should give me a share in their company.

When I first decided to see an OB a year ago due to the incessant prodding of a coworker (bless her thoughtful heart), I was told that it's just part of the pre-menopausal syndrome or am just stressed at work. I was given iron supplements and that was it. And I was told to relax, chill, take a vacation, etc. Yeah, right. 

The annual executive check up didn't show anything alarming either. I thought I was OK. 

However, last May, the heavy bleeding came with abdominal pain with a massive headache to boot. I cannot concentrate at work. I have become more irritable than ever. I would only sleep for about 3 hours every day. I was agitated and started to lose focus. 

I got scared. Very scared. And I told no one. 

For some time, I got used to the headache that I would dismiss it as "too-much-work-too-much-stress-condition" or something like that. Little did I know that constant health negligence could have resulted in the big C had I not done anything about it. 

To cut the story short, I went to see another OB, and another OB, and had a series of tests and procedures. 

I have been in and out of the hospital for the last three months. It was exhausting - mentally, emotionally, physically and not to mention, financially. 

But when faced with the ultimate choice between having my reproductive organ removed or suffer the consequences of going through more extensive procedures every three months to manage the condition,  I decided to have a TAHBSO instead. The bad cells are on its early stage and removal of the entire reproductive organ will ensure that C is not going to crawl its way into my system. 

But before the procedure...

I cannot count  the number of times I cried over the last three months wondering what stage my cancer is. Will I die next month? Will this pain ever end? And so on and so forth. It was exasperating. While some people thought I was having a grand vacation, little did anyone know that I go through each day wondering what the doctors will find out this time. Or how many days, months, or year I have left in this world. I was flooded with so much negativity I hated myself. 

Worse, the challenge came with staying positive to avoid agitating the family. I have to put up a brave face. I had to be strong. Not for my sake, but for their sake. It wasn't so easy. Like hello. I was ready to break down any minute. 

But the battle is over. 

I may not be able to reproduce another mini deity anymore, but hey, this means I get to enjoy being with family and friends for a long long long time. 

Ladies, if you notice that something is wrong with your body, be it insignificant or trivial, go see a doctor right away. Insist on having tests. Talk to doctors. Get more opinion. The more the merrier. As I've said before, if you don't take care of yourself, no one else will do that for you.  

As Justin Bieber once said, "Love yourself".

TeenAge Rebels: The Reunion

There's a room where the light won't find you

Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down

When they do, I'll be right behind you

So glad we've almost made it

~ Tears for Fears 

After almost three decades, our 80s barkadas - Sheila, Jinky, Mike, Paul and cousin Tess got together last night. Missing were Joey, Jasper, Ronald, Rommel, Edmund, Cristy, Rene, and Bette.

We're party buddies back in the 80s, back when we all could think about was to find parties to crash and dance our hearts out until the wee hours. 

We lived and breathed dancing back then. Any song by Depeche Mode, Tears for Fears, Lotus Eaters, Simple Minds, or Madonna (!) among others, would make us want us to crash another party. It was our addiction. To get to a party (doesn't matter if we know the celebrant or not) was like getting 1,000 likes on Facebook these days. That's how shallow we were. 

We all had so much fun reminiscing how we mastered the art of jumping fences to elude strict parents. I know. Shameful. But. Nope. We were never into drugs or sex or anything really offensive. All we wanted was really to dance and dance some more. 

We never had cellphones  or tablets or laptops; we communicated by whistle. When one hears that special whistle,  it means P-A-R-T-Y and you  have like 5 minutes to dress up and sneak out of the house! 

It was great seeing them all after a long long time. We shared stories on our struggles, challenges, triumphs, family, kids, education, business venture, etc. We chatted like grown ups and giggled like youngsters. 

And we all agreed that whatever  fun we had back in the 80s, it will always be something we will all look back to with fondness and smile. 

So we glad we made it. 

P.S.

Thanks Mike and Armi for hosting the dinner. 

Sad To Belong To Someone

So I'll live my life in a dream world,

For the rest of my days.

Just you and me walking hand in hand,

Is a wishful memory...

Oh, I guess it's all that it will ever be...

~ England Dan & John Ford

You ever liked someone who’s already taken (married, engaged, committed, etc.)? And you so like this person, you can only admire him from the distance, because he can never know that you like him. 

Have you ever liked someone so much you're dying to send him a message to say hello or just ask how his day is going, but you can't, because you just can't?

Have you ever liked someone so so much that his mere hug meant the world to you? 

Ang OA ko. Promise. At Frencheska Far ang peg ko according to Dani Hernandez author of Ang Maglandi Ay Di Biro. Promise, mahal ko na si Dani. Sobrang relate ako sa book niya.

I am too old to have crushes, but as one of my friends pointed out, it’s never too late to blush, gush or even have crushes... that as long as we have feelings we will always admire or crush on someone. 

And who knows this admiration might blossom into something real, tangible, or forever. Sigh.

But in my case, there's no way this is going anywhere. This crush lives on the other side of the planet and is very taken.

So what do I do?

I really have no idea. I guess, I will just sit here in my little corner of the universe and hope to the stars that this infatuation dies out soon.

I am too old for heartaches. 

Pero babalik daw sha ulet. 

Anubayan! 

#MeForever #UmasaTayo #MeHimala

The 5 Truths About The Awesome Jay

Jay P, my awesome-st writer who has been with us for three years and more left  the company effective yesterday to pursue another career path. We miss him tremendously today. Like it's not a regular work day without his awesome presence.

And why is Jay so awesome? What makes him awesome?

#1 He Is Mr. Congeniality of the Universe 

It doesn't matter whether you belong to Content Team or not. He's just that friendly, he hangs out with everybody, especially when one has food. 

#2 He Is The Ultimate Eye Candy

I once told the team that I  need to hire an eye candy to inspire me more. He volunteered himself. I was left with no other option. I was cornered.

#3 He Has Wits All Over the Wall

 Only Jay can come up with come back lines that would make you question your sanity. Yep, that's him.

#4 He's Cool As Cool Can Be

Despite being constantly picked on for his brain-damaging wit, Jay remains cool and awesome. And that's why we love him a lot.

#5 He Is Best Friends To Great Cooks

Have I already mentioned that he's best friends with anyone who has food to spare? He's tight with the great cooks in the office. He sure does know how to pick his allies.

Kidding aside, I will miss Jay.

He was a fresh grad when he joined the company. It was like I gave birth to his career. I am so proud of what he has become. He has the ambition, the drive and the right wit to get where he wanna be. I will always be honored to have worked with him.

*Sob*

Of Rats and Women

There are rats in my ceiling
Playing, shrieking, tormenting
There are women in my wall
Praising, sharing, blabbering
Can't stand listenin' to them all
Should I catch them, roast them
Or just squeeze them by the ball?

If only these rats were as talented as these: 

Typhoon Haiyan and Inflamed Ear Vessel

You all probably heard by now what happened to the provinces south of the Philippines. I have stopped reading the paper, watching the news, and following feeds in Twitter concerning those who have been devastated by Haiyan (named Yolanda locally).

My heart breaks every time I see posts in Facebook and Twitter asking friends to help find missing relatives. I couldn't imagine what would I do if I were in their shoes. The thought of not knowing how my family fared in such a calamity is already nerve-wracking. I thank God that we didn't have to go through that.

Help from all over the world is pouring in. Bless this generous people. I hope our government officials won't use those help for their own need. Hello! Don't you dare touch those money! Shame on you, bitches! You should be ashamed of yourselves. Makes me think that if I were Janet Napoles, I'll offer a plea bargain: I will donate 10 billion to the victims, provided I walk scot-free. But we all know she won't do that. She's just not  that smart. If she were smart, would she be caught?

Anyway, other than the disconcerting news about the wrath of Haiyan, my ear has been bothering me for some time that I decided to see the doctor yesterday. Apparently, that strange noise I am hearing is not the voices of the dark side, but an inflamed vessel in my right ear. This is also causing me to get dizzy now and then. I was hoping the doctor would tell me that I am having those symptoms of schizophrenia. I dunno really the connection, but according to the doctor it is what it is it is, so I believe her with my life.

Had to take meds again. I hate meds. But what can I do? I can't afford to get sick. Mum said I am lucky I am able to see a doctor and buy meds, unlike those people in the south who don't even have clean water to drink.

I am  going to stop whining now. Thank you for listening. 

Dia de Muertos

Or Day of the Dead, All Hallows' Eve  or Halloween is one of the biggest holidays here in the Philippines (and in some parts of the globe). Other than Christmas Day, from October 31 to November 2, Filipinos prepare (a lot!) to honor their departed loved ones.

Our office had a little Halloween party last October 31st. I said little because it was not as extravagant as it was last  year. Considering the short span of time to prepare, HR peeps pulled it off. I volunteered to be one of the judges.When asked why I wanted to be a judge, I couldn't admit that I have already told everyone that I'm a judge and I've accepted bribes, right?

As always, the creativity of Truelogic members is amazing. Look at these photos!

Ops Night Shit - Plants Vs. Zombies theme. Had there been more time to prepare, I'm sure they would've done better.

Elmo is a friggin perve and here's the proof!

Ops Day Shift won second place. 

Even the OJTs had a lot of fun! 

The boss attempted a selfie with me. Looks like he loved the kitty cat ears Ciara lent us.

More photos in FJ's album.

I think people took a bunch  of photos during the party. Everywhere I go, there are groups taking photos. Never a shortage of photos. I am sure the Halloween party is just one excuse to take photos of themselves in fancy costumes. Just my theory. You can always prove me wrong.

The following day, we visited my daughter's grave. She passed away on All Hallow's Eve 16 years ago. Sucks huh? You left her all smiling and giggling that morning. Then  in the afternoon, you find yourself holding her tiny hand in the ICU while she drew her last breath.

They say time heals all wounds but this one is definitely not  healing at all. Never.

We brought her pretty flowers and had a picnic. The nieces and nephews ran around. There were so many people in the cemetery, with some even playing loud music, probably enticing the dead to wake up. 

It was all good. But Hallowen will always be a sad sad day for me no matter what...

The Morong Experience

Last Saturday, October 19, our company went to the Phi Phi Beach Resort in Morong Bataan. It was a tad late for a company summer outing, but the wait was all worth it.

After an almost 6-hour drive from Makati, we arrived at the place exhausted, hungry, but definitely looking forward to a fun-filled weekend. And we were not disappointed. The organizers, the HR team, made sure of that.

The Boss decided to sit beside me, but told me to keep quiet. It was the longest ride ever... 

The Triad: Itamar, the CEO; Clayton, the Marketing Director; and Bernard, the Ops Manager, were the Kings (team captains), while Gaia, Zhai, Carla and I were the princesses. Hell yeah I got to be a princess for a few hours, how fab is that?!!!. I picked Bernard's team. I knew I was in good hands! Yay! Bernard’s misery was just about to begin.

The first game is Sandcastle Building. Each team needs to create the sandcastle within 15 minutes, with the company logo properly included. I tried to sabotage the other team's castles, but the Game Marshalls were too strict!

Next is Amazing Race inspired. Each princess and a pawn have to find the sticks with the King’s picture, scattered all over the shore. I chose one of the Onpage guys, Jojo, and made him search for all the sticks. I didn't know that I had to find the sticks with him. I just hopped and jumped all over the place and realized we were losing. I tried to cheat and convinced the other players to give me their sticks, but they were all so sticking to the rules and didn’t give me any.

The third game is finding those plastic spiders, centipedes and rats. Each item has an equivalent point and the team with the most number of points, wins. Again, I tried to cheat and steal one of the other team’s loot, but was booed instead.

The fourth game - The Voice spin-off - was the best seller and had everyone screaming -  boys and girls alike. Each king had to sing and the one with the loudest  applause (or scream) wins the game. Clayton sang an NSYNC song, which had those girls screaming their lungs out. What?!!! It’s your first time to hear a white guy sing?! Duh!!!

Itamar sang My Way (he played it safe, but the girls were also screaming like it was Justin Timberlake singing, huh?!!) Our King, Bernard -- Oh gawd, I can't remember what he sang, but we cheered for him anyway because he's our King! According to Karen, it's a Kris Allen song, "Live Like We're Dying".

After the screamin' comes the grossin'. Inspired by Fear Factor, the players need to gobble up all those gummy worms placed in a baby's diaper. I wanted to join and decided against it coz I don't really like the idea of eating something from a diaper. Like hellooo!!! My 19-year old son was once a baby. Yuck!

And the last game, where I did my team shame, was called "Coke Sakto." There were 3 pitchers of coffee or chocolate (can't remember) and 3 meters away were 3 empty bottles of coke. We need to transfer the coffee to the empty bottle using either our hands or mouth or both. I thought we were going to drink up the coffee once transferred to the coke bottle and thought it would be so gross, I decided to just use my hands and failed miserably. I tried to cheat, like pour the pitcher directly to the coke bottle, but got disqualified.

I dunno why they take games seriously. I mean, hello, games always have cheats. How else do you explain those cheat websites for Dota, Angry Bird and Candy Crush?!!

After the games, we went back to our villas and Mike (who, along with Sam, did a great job hosting the games) decided we have one more little game before dinner. Like they didn’t have enough games already! While everybody else was busy swimming, taking pictures, playing frisbee or volleyball, some of the Content Boys, SEO guys, and I were busy getting drunk.

There was a little program before dinner for the 3-year anniversaries of 3 employees: Jonas, Mica and Clayton. I kinda missed the program because I got busy puking my guts out (imagine drinking on an empty stomach) and waiting for the heater to turn really cold water to hot.

After what seemed to be an eternity waiting for the dinner to be served, Content Team and I went back to the boy's villa and continued Pik-Pak-Boom and got drunk again. The guys were kinda pissed that I rarely made a mistake so they sort of it made it a mission to make sure I will get the game wrong and get a penalty (drink one straight shot of rum). It was so much fun, we consumed about 5 bottles of Emperador. I decided to go to bed at 10:30. No way I'm going to stay up and drink side by side with those kids. This old woman knows when to stop.

I tried to wake up early the following morning, but having just 3 hours of sleep the night before that, I woke up at about 6:30 and missed the sunrise. After coffee, I joined the winners of the game (Team Clayton) to Turtle Island. The boat ride was fun and boring. Fun because I got to see some salt water (I love the sea) again, boring because the boat was too slow. Had a blast having photo-ops at the island though. My chance to be an ANTM model was fulfilled.

Here, see how fab my shot is:

Thanks Mafe!

After Turtle Island, it was brunch and prep time. I didn't want the day to end. It's one of those badly needed weekend. But all good things come to an end. The bus ride home was faster than I anticipated. No heavy traffic.

The  best part of the outing? We had a really great weather. While it’s  been raining consistently this past few weeks, that weekend, there was not even a hint of rain! Just sun, pure glorious sun to let us enjoy.

As always, bonding with co-workers is always a blast. Memories like this are forever treasured. Hopefully next year, it will be this awesome again!

Blood and the Stuff People Ask

Went to MMC last Monday after vomiting blood and feeling nausea.

The visit turned out to be a series of extraneous lab tests, check-ups, etc. I was diagnosed to have high blood. X-ray showed clear lungs, but doctors are wondering why I vomit blood. Endoscopy is also negative. Results for other lab tests will come out in 2 days.

Hospitals are boring. But the staff are entertaining.

At a cardio's clinic, the secrertary/nurse asked if I was there for a consultation. No! I want a McCheeseBurger and a double espresso! Jeez. 

At the lab for the first series of blood test: Nurse asked if it hurts (while she takes vials of blood samples from my arm). No! It feels so good! Do  that again!!! Drain my blood now!!! 

Went to the hospital pharmacy and presented prescription list of initial medication. The pharmacist asked if I'm going to buy meds. No. I'm going to buy ammo. One more stupid question and am going to start shooting people. 

This morning, I went back to the lab for another round of test. After presenting my papers, the staff was like, so this is your Day 2 for sputum test, ma'am? No. this is my 100th day! See, look at my papers, read what it says there. It's written in bold black ink - DAY 2! 

But karma's a bitch and it does bitch. 

Before proceeding to the Heart Lab, I need to have my HMO papers approved. Turned out HMO office is closed because it's a national holiday today. I blurted out loud: Oh, they're closed! Damn! 

The cleaning person nearby heard me and retorted snottily: Yeah, it's obviously closed. The lights are off. And the doors are locked. 

Doh! Bitch. 

It's a good thing I promise to be nice this week.

Just this week... 

The Other Side of Snow White ( Fairy Tales Part 2)

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else
~ Maroon 5

So you think you know Snow White, huh? Were your little hearts broken when the wicked step-mother sent out the woodcutter to kill pretty girl Snow White in the forest? Do you remember ever getting scared when the wicked step-mom, disguised as a witch, poisoned her with an apple?

Touche!

ACT 2, SCENE 1

The lights are out. Everybody's sleeping, save for the girl who is pacing back and forth in front of the huge mirror.

SNOW WHITE: [Curious]
So tell me, Mirror. What exactly did you tell my step-mother?

MIRROR: [Pretends to be having a cough fit]
[To himself] Women,  why are they so fond of confrontations?
[To Snow White]  She is the most beautiful woman in the world.

SNOW WHITE: [Mildly upset]
You're freaking kidding me, right? She gets Botox every month. She gets a boob job every three months. And she even had her lips sculpted like Brangelina's! She's like, she spends millions of dollars to look like that cougar, Joan Collins. And you tell her she's the most beautiful woman in the world? Tell me, what flavor of stupid are you?

MIRROR: [Begins to tremble in fear]
But Snow White... she sponsored my son to Harvard. I have to patronize her.

SNOW WHITE: [Very very upset]
Well, if that's the case...

[Runs to the kitchen to fetch something. Comes back after a few seconds]

SNOW WHITE: [Smiles sweetly while brandishing a dagger on Mirror's face]
How about I break your balls if you don't tell my step-mom that I am the most beautiful woman in the world?

MIRROR: [Suddenly experiences a schizophrenic attack]
Ma'am, yes ma'am! Right away, ma'am. Whatever you say you, you royal fierceness! You piece of magnificent star, shining above the human race. You flower of the Nile, blossoming every night. You...

SNOW WHITE: [Giggles]
Aww... you stop it now. No need to wax poetry, ya know. OK fine! I'll save the ball breaking some other time. Don't forget what you have to say the next time Step-Mom asks you.

MIRROR: [Pees in his pants] (Editor  - Do mirror wear pants?)
Yes, your royal fabulousness.

[Snow White licks Mirror before she goes out. Mirror shivers]

ACT 2, SCENE 2

Joan Collins, err, Wicked step-mom goes to the Mirror room, curtsies before the Mirror, clears her throat

STEP-MOM:
[Looking royally hot with the magenta cocktail ball gown designed by Vera Wang] Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the prettiest of them all?

MIRROR: [Coughs]
Your royal highness, I have something to tell you.

STEP-MOM: [Checks out her newly renovated tush]
Save your breath honey, I wanna hear the magic words first!

MIRROR: [Coughs deliriously]
But I really need to tell you something Madame.

STEP-MOM: [Stops checking her tush]
Mother F! Hello! The magic words first!

MIRROR: [Sighs heavily]
Cinderella is the prettiest girl in the world.

STEP-MOM: [Nose flaring]
Who the hell is Cinderella?

MIRROR: [Very confused]
I am so sorry, Madam. I don't do well under pressure. I get confused now and then, you know. Could you please ask me again?

STEP-MOM: [Smiles an eenie-weenie bit. Botox makes it difficult to smile wide] 
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the prettiest of them all?

MIRROR: [Totally depressed, contemplating suicide as he speaks]
Snow White is the prettiest girl in the whole wide world.

STEP-MOM: [Raises eyebrow a little. Botox makes it difficult to raise eyebrows]
You're not serious, are you?

MIRROR: [Resigned to his fate]
Mirrors do not tell a lie, your royal highness.

STEP-MOM: [Runs to a corner, curls up in a fetal position, and shouts profanities at the Mirror. After a few seconds, she runs back to the Mirror looking like an escapee from a nearby asylum]

You ungrateful piece of glass!!! I hate you!!!

[Step-mom throws Mirror out of her chamber. Mirror lands safely on the top of a garbage truck. He would soon be  reunited with the son who would finish doctor of philosophy in Forensic Aesthesiology from Harvard. Said son would marry the girl who would find the Mirror in a thrift store]

To be continued...

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Life Begins at 40?

They say that life begins at 40. Does that mean my life is just about to begin? Isn't that a little fucked up? I mean, how could one be born 40 years ago, and have its life start only after 4 decades?!! Doesn't make any sense at all.

I celebrated the day in Bungalow, my favorite hang-out in the whole Seoul, with Jo and Tita Noemi, a former room mate. Yes, I am 40. And I have more than 40 things to thank about. I am going to make the list shorter though as I am a little tipsy to write more than 2,000 words tonight.

I am grateful that:

1. I am still alive to this day, blessed with abundant things in life, more than I could ask for.
2. I have a great family: parents, who try to be healthy as they can be, taking care of my son in my absence; 4 brothers who look after my son, pampering him while I'm away, providing him the fatherly figure that he needs; and a sister who may be living in another country now, but gives me comfort by just letting me play up her daughters' pictures.
3. I have a very talented teen-ager who believes that mom is only 20 and shouldn't be allowed to work in another country.
4. I have a wonderful job that allows me to provide for my son.
5. I have a "fiance" I talk to everyday, who gets the first hand torture during that "time of the month".
6. I have awesome friends who don't only party with me in such a short notice, but are always there to make my life easier.
7. I have equally awesome online friends who bear with my eccentricities, some of whom actually think I am a Deity. Ha! How cool is that?
8. I have smart-ass students who never cease to test my patience. And co-teachers who may not be great to work with, but hey, they leave me alone, which is far more important than anything else in the world.
9. I have a nice room, with kind neighbors to boot, who feed me with dog soup any chance they get.
10. I have a God who is always there, hearing me out, day in and day out; guiding, protecting and shielding me and my loved ones from any harm, sickness and accidents.

It's strange... I don't feel that old. I swear I just celebrated my 20th birthday!

She Has An Issue

I didn't have internet connection during the weekend.
I rained cows and horses.
The weather was and still is awful.
I couldn't call the family or him because the connection sucked, too.
I was bored to my ass but my niece's pictures helped me survive the ordeal.

Thank God, everything is back to normal.
One thing I learned after being deprived of any online communication:
It sure is great to scream once in a while.

All Ye Sinners: Repent!

The religious community is observing the Lenten week: the sinners repent; the holies reflect. It's the time of the year when the Catholics, Christians and religious fanatics alike ponder on the death of Jesus Christ -- the purpose of his sufferings and salvation of mankind's sins.

I, for one, would like to ask forgiveness for all the vanities that I have brought forth in this world. I know I am no saint, no matter how much I try to perform some little miraculous deeds everyday. God knows I strive to make a difference each day, in His name, although those selfless acts seemed to be mindless at times. May God have mercy on me.

Befittingly, allow me to share this video showcasing how devout Catholics in the Philippines observe the Lenten season.

Most Likely To Be Buried Alive?

If there's one thing that amuses me these days, it should be Facebook. Sure, some of the applications could be a bit cloying and puzzling at times, but the entertainment it provides is priceless. Not to mention that I get to meet really cool people from different corners of the world. I mean really awesome peeps who are not into nit-picking on how the government, media or just about everything is being handled by the appointed ones. This is a free world, yesiree, but puhhleeezzz, spare me the whining already. Got enough of that in the other sandboxes. I need to be entertained. And crack up does Facebook to me. I could think of a million reason why I dig it:

• I don't need an excuse or provocation to tackle, trout-slap, body slam, or toilet paper my friends. Heck, I could even throw Hillary Clinton to everyone without getting private messages like,

- What the hell did you do that for, beotch? - Where's your sense of respect? - What is wrong with you? - You need to get professional help. - You're a sad little person constantly seeking attention. - I feel sorry for you.

• I am allowed to shower my girl friends fab bags from Louis Vuitton, Balenciaga, Channel, Dior and Prada anytime without worrying about maxing out my Visa card. Hey, it's all free! Even the credit card is complimentary.

• I am privileged to yack, lick, tango and cuddle with the Boyfriend openly, and no one thinks the Deity is a homicidal exhibitionist.

Plus I could do the same thing to close male friends and he would never think I am two-timing him.

• I throw lame friends to Vampire friends all the time, just because I want to, and they're cool with it. They don't go sulking in a corner, curled up in a fetal position, screaming, "Deity, you numb nut twit, I am going to make you pay for that!"

• I am allowed to expose well-tended multiple personalities without being regarded a basket case. I am a Mistress Vampire, a Triumphant Slayer, a Werewolf Howler and a Zombie Ninja. I attack my friends whenever and they don't go scurrying off for their lives.

• I get to feed my Pet, Mojitos, and chocolate pie, and it doesn't go running in the toilet, yelling profanities in my face for giving it alcohol and sweets at the same time.

• I give my friends a keg of draft beer or a bottle of Dom Perignon anytime without having to organize a drink-all-you-can party.

I could go on and on and on. The point is, Facebook is a lifesaver for someone who gets bored easily like me. With thousands of fun new games and applications to do all the time, who needs to sulk and whine? I am engrossed to the bones. I don't care what other people write about Facebook. No one's gonna keep me from getting my happy pills from the pals I have there. 

Speaking of pals, someone voted yours truly as the friend Most Likely To Be Buried Alive, which got me thinking what in the world would make anyone think that I am probably going to be entombed screaming and kicking? And why would anyone want to bury me alive in the first place? I am pretty sure I don't resemble The Bride? Hello?!!! Ngork! I have to find out who did that. 

I am soooo going to bitch-slap that friend without mercy! And when I am done slapping, I swear to vote him/her as the friend Most Likely to Sleep with Marilyn Manson. 

I feel better already.

Silence is Good

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."

~ Mark Twain (1835-1910)

I am betting my month's salary that if Mr. Twain is to live in this generation, that quote above would read something as simple as like this: "S-T-F-U!"

Suck It Up or Kiss My Ass!

Some people can't just level. Some people can't own up their shit. Some people are so immersed in their fantasy world; they find it hard to scarf down truth even if it hits them right in the face. Oh well... who am I to be displeased with them? It's their call.

And I am not mad either that the kids took a shot of my butt.

You likey?

The Joker is Dead

And he was not exterminated by his life long nemesis -- Dark Night. He died in his sleep.

Yes, like the rest of the world, I was shock as shock when I read a friend's email about the death of Heath Ledger. Who wouldn't? He's a great actor at the age of 28. He made conscientiously chosen, arrestingly crafted movies. He can't be that dead. He is yet to ask me out! No, he can't be dead!

But the news online are not joking. Nobody's laughing...