Monday, August 28, 2017

Winning the Battle Even Before the Battle Starts

I decided to write down the ordeal I went through for the last three months that I may remember in the future how bravely I won a battle even before the battle started.

It all started with heavy bleeding back in December 2011. Since then, I would bleed excessively (more than 10 days) that it became normal to consume at least 30 to 40 pads monthly. I would even joke around that Modess should give me a share in their company.

When I first decided to see an OB a year ago due to the incessant prodding of a coworker (bless her thoughtful heart), I was told that it's just part of the pre-menopausal syndrome or am just stressed at work. I was given iron supplements and that was it. And I was told to relax, chill, take a vacation, etc. Yeah, right. 

The annual executive check up didn't show anything alarming either. I thought I was OK. 

However, last May, the heavy bleeding came with abdominal pain with a massive headache to boot. I cannot concentrate at work. I have become more irritable than ever. I would only sleep for about 3 hours every day. I was agitated and started to lose focus. 

I got scared. Very scared. And I told no one. 

For some time, I got used to the headache that I would dismiss it as "too-much-work-too-much-stress-condition" or something like that. Little did I know that constant health negligence could have resulted in the big C had I not done anything about it. 

To cut the story short, I went to see another OB, and another OB, and had a series of tests and procedures. 

I have been in and out of the hospital for the last three months. It was exhausting - mentally, emotionally, physically and not to mention, financially. 

But when faced with the ultimate choice between having my reproductive organ removed or suffer the consequences of going through more extensive procedures every three months to manage the condition,  I decided to have a TAHBSO instead. The bad cells are on its early stage and removal of the entire reproductive organ will ensure that C is not going to crawl its way into my system. 

But before the procedure...

I cannot count  the number of times I cried over the last three months wondering what stage my cancer is. Will I die next month? Will this pain ever end? And so on and so forth. It was exasperating. While some people thought I was having a grand vacation, little did anyone know that I go through each day wondering what the doctors will find out this time. Or how many days, months, or year I have left in this world. I was flooded with so much negativity I hated myself. 

Worse, the challenge came with staying positive to avoid agitating the family. I have to put up a brave face. I had to be strong. Not for my sake, but for their sake. It wasn't so easy. Like hello. I was ready to break down any minute. 

But the battle is over. 

I may not be able to reproduce another mini deity anymore, but hey, this means I get to enjoy being with family and friends for a long long long time. 

Ladies, if you notice that something is wrong with your body, be it insignificant or trivial, go see a doctor right away. Insist on having tests. Talk to doctors. Get more opinion. The more the merrier. As I've said before, if you don't take care of yourself, no one else will do that for you.  

As Justin Bieber once said, "Love yourself".