Sad To Belong To Someone

So I'll live my life in a dream world,

For the rest of my days.

Just you and me walking hand in hand,

Is a wishful memory...

Oh, I guess it's all that it will ever be...

~ England Dan & John Ford

You ever liked someone who’s already taken (married, engaged, committed, etc.)? And you so like this person, you can only admire him from the distance, because he can never know that you like him. 

Have you ever liked someone so much you're dying to send him a message to say hello or just ask how his day is going, but you can't, because you just can't?

Have you ever liked someone so so much that his mere hug meant the world to you? 

Ang OA ko. Promise. At Frencheska Far ang peg ko according to Dani Hernandez author of Ang Maglandi Ay Di Biro. Promise, mahal ko na si Dani. Sobrang relate ako sa book niya.

I am too old to have crushes, but as one of my friends pointed out, it’s never too late to blush, gush or even have crushes... that as long as we have feelings we will always admire or crush on someone. 

And who knows this admiration might blossom into something real, tangible, or forever. Sigh.

But in my case, there's no way this is going anywhere. This crush lives on the other side of the planet and is very taken.

So what do I do?

I really have no idea. I guess, I will just sit here in my little corner of the universe and hope to the stars that this infatuation dies out soon.

I am too old for heartaches. 

Pero babalik daw sha ulet. 

Anubayan! 

#MeForever #UmasaTayo #MeHimala

Eight Things I've Learned As an Adult

To commemorate their birthdays, some would write the number of things they’ve learned according to their age. I am not going to do that. You seriously want me to come up with more than 40 something stuff?

Let’s just stick to the eight most important things I’ve learned as an adult. It’s more than eight, but in my book, they are the bestest things. Bear with me.

1. My Parents Rock. No. They Are My Rock.

Sure, there was a time in our lives when we wish our parents would just leave us alone or disappear in the middle of the night, stuff like that. We were all teenagers once. Hello.

I got older and went through several ups and downs; it’s when I learned that there are only TWO people who will never ever desert me no matter what – MY PARENTS.

We may have our share of arguments, fights, misunderstandings and such, but at the end of the day, my parents support me unconditionally. And I have to include my wonderful siblings. They are so throwing tantrums, I forgot to mention them. Doh. 

I love them all to the moon and back!

2. My Bestest Accomplishment - My Son

We all go through life wondering what we have accomplished, forgetting the essentials.

I used to think that I would be a failure as a single mom. As it turns out, my son brought out the best in me. Raising him was the greatest feat I have ever done in my whole life. He may not be the awesomest son one could ever hope for, to me, he’s the best thing that ever happened. 

Because of him, I’ve learned that in order not to get disappointed, I should never expect anything. Nothing at all. 

When are you going to buy me a branded purse?

Mom, you take the public commute. The branded purse would look like a knock-off. 

Bitch has a point. 

3. The More the Merrier. Not True. Few Friends Matter. 

When I was younger, I love having lots of friends, thinking that the more friends one has, the better. 

No. Not true at all. 

As you grow older, you will realize that you don’t really need lots of friends. You need QUALITY friends who will be there no matter what. Sure, these few selected friends can be judgmental bitches, but hey, they will never abandon you in times of trouble. 

That’s good enough to know. 

4. What Other People Say Don’t Count

Live life as you wish. The others can screw themselves. They don’t know what you go through each day. They can judge you for as long as they want;what matters is that you do whatever you want, and be happy about it. 

Life is too short to worry about what others will say. Do what you want, be who you are, and the world can fuck itself for all you care. 

5. Material Things Don’t Really Count

We spend so much time working. Sweating it out literally and figuratively, day in and day out, to make both ends meet. We always try to give the best to our family; buying them stuff we thought would make them happy, not really understanding that material things fade. 

What our family needs is quality time. 

It doesn’t matter whether it’s just a simple bonding at home, or an occasional movie and dinner now and then. The material things lose its value eventually, but the time we give to our loved ones, they will always treasure.

6. Love is Not the Be All and End All of Life

I used to love the idea of being in love. I was a hopeless romantic. I think I still am. 

Ehh. 

I can now look back at the past loves and laugh about it and wonder, the hell did I fall in love with that jerk. Those kinds of things. 

I’ve learned that while having someone to love and be loved back is great, being alone isn’t so bad after all. Life isn’t just about boyfriend or girlfriend. There’s more to life if we just open our eyes and set our priorities right. 

7. Action Movies Can Get Boring

I think it goes with aging. I used to love gory action movies. Now, am just bored to death. Hands and legs being sawn off. Boring. Death defying stunts. Horror movies. Boring. Boring. Boring. I’ve learned that as priorities change when we get older, and so do our interests. 

I used to hate James Bond. Sean Connery is old and I hate his British accent. 

Now, heck, I’m looking for a British editor! And I want to marry Daniel Craig! 

8. Kids Are The Best

Being an ESL teacher for more than five years in Korea taught me the value of loving kids other than my own. I used to hate kids. Seriously. To me, they are annoying little creatures created to torment me. 

Now, that I deal with adults daily, I’ve learned to appreciate children as better co-workers.

They throw tantrums, which is understandable because they are children. They change their minds as often as the wind blows, because that's what kids do! They play favorites, because children are entitled to have favorites. If anything, children don’t do positive scripting. They don't have to. They don't need to. 

I hate your dress. You look silly, teacher Mj. (Don't you just love the kids' honesty?)

Aw, you look fabulous yourself. (Good gad, where the hell is her fashion sense?!!! - Adult problems) 

Hashtag Separation Anxiety

"But I remember those simple things
I remember 'til I cry..."

I haven't written anything for a long, long time.

The last entry here was about my son graduating from college. Since then, I've gone through the 9 cycles of depression, stress and pressure; I barely have time to comb my hair, let alone blog and update any of my social media account on a regular basis.

I found one good reason to blog this weekend. I miss a dear colleague - our Marketing Director.

He's gone for good. That left me devastated (as you all probably have guessed by now that I have this separation anxiety thingy. Which makes me think that I might have been separated and exiled from my loved ones during my first life).

Anyhow, I was so sad I would cry myself to sleep since we had this little farewell party for him. Maybe I was crying for a different reason. But anyway, I find his leaving a really good excuse to cry. He and I, we were never close, but I must admit that there were several instances he saved me from my self-destruction weapon: tactlessness.

Among the people I've worked with, I found him to be free of any pretension, as he knows anyway that I could see past through him when he's trying to be civil or not, nice or evil, etc. Some would say he's a pretentious jerk; I thought otherwise. Maybe he just doesn't like it when people hate him, or think he's not cool. You  know, Americans. They gotta be cool always. 

I kind of miss taunting and annoying him every chance I get.

Hold my hand and I will have all blogs you need written asap.
Go away, Mj. 

And his childish bickerings whenever I let him.

You're such a drama queen, Mj. 
And you're the king!
Whatever! 

So we used to hate each other on a daily basis; there's no knowing when WWWIII would erupt in the office. But as time went by, he started to just let go of his prejudices against my Korean upbringing. (You're North Korean. Are you sure you're not adopted?).

One of the things that I miss the most is his dry sense of humor. I am not sure if  he really is an American. He is actually more British in the humor department.

Hi, I sent you an email. Could you please check it? 
You're an email courier, do you know that?

If you insist on having those 200 pages of content written in one week, I am going to jump off this building!!! 
Fine. 

Now, who wouldn't miss such an adorable person like that?

Why Women Cry

So I pray this time
I can be the man that she deserves
'Cos I die a little each time
When she cries
~Restless Heart

I don't know about you, but I've seen women cry for no reasons at all. True. This fact is based on a study conducted by  this really famous university. Just as men are confused on what women really want, they are also curious to know why women bawl for no reason at all. Or so they think.

Based on my personal experience, the following are the 5 most common reasons why women (or I) cry.

5. Women cry when they are hurt. Like physically hurt. Like when they tumble while wearing killer heels. I mean come on, that's embarassing. It's worth crying about. 

4. Women cry because they seen  or read a really really sad story. They just need to sympathize with the protagonist,  you know. It's a girl thing.I cried a gallon reading Tuesdays with Morrie. I will slap anyone who didn't. 

3. Women would choose to cry instead of mutilating a cheating husband/boyfriend. Trust me. You would rather she cry. 

2. Women cry because there are times that it's the only thing she could do. Yeah. Women. Weakling. You know the works. 

1. Women cry because it's a hormone thing-y. Period. Do you want a scientific explanation for that?

Do you have any idea why women cry? And why of all the 1,000 topics I could write about, I am writing this?

I don't really cry. I eat. 

A Dieu Vous Commant...

Curtis W. Newman aka Chaos
28 January 1968 ~ 23 May 2008

Father, Lover, Best friend, Confidant, Poet, Painter, Artist, Writer, Harley Rider

~~oo~~

Dearest friends and readers, the love of my life, Chaos, passed away two weeks ago unexpectedly... without warning... without a proper goodbye...

He was supposed to be here in Korea this end of the month and we were planning to tie the knot. I was excited to blog about the wedding already. Then... like a thief in the night, his life was taken abruptly, leaving me waddling in misery and grief for days and the days to come.

He always hated it that I kept moving blog sites. He wasn't most happy when I started blogspot. He came around anyway when I reactivated my multiply account. There, he was able to check on my entries regularly. He was extremely excited for me when I found in multiply some hobby groups where my work is appreciated and critiqued positively. He loved it that I grow on my own craft. He even helped me "redo" some of my multiply entries.

Ergo, much as I want to stay here, I would have to bid this account goodbye. Maybe temporarily, maybe for good. Who knows...

Be well people.

Don't forget to say "I love you" to those you care about everyday, for you may never know when they will leave you.

Yes...

I will marry you

here

and

in

the after life

not

just once

but

for as many times

as you want me to...

Originally posted here...