Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else
~ Maroon 5
So you think you know Snow White, huh? Were your little hearts broken when the wicked step-mother sent out the woodcutter to kill pretty girl Snow White in the forest? Do you remember ever getting scared when the wicked step-mom, disguised as a witch, poisoned her with an apple?
Touche!
ACT 2, SCENE 1
The lights are out. Everybody's sleeping, save for the girl who is pacing back and forth in front of the huge mirror.
SNOW WHITE: [Curious]
So tell me, Mirror. What exactly did you tell my step-mother?
MIRROR: [Pretends to be having a cough fit]
[To himself] Women, why are they so fond of confrontations?
[To Snow White] She is the most beautiful woman in the world.
SNOW WHITE: [Mildly upset]
You're freaking kidding me, right? She gets Botox every month. She gets a boob job every three months. And she even had her lips sculpted like Brangelina's! She's like, she spends millions of dollars to look like that cougar, Joan Collins. And you tell her she's the most beautiful woman in the world? Tell me, what flavor of stupid are you?
MIRROR: [Begins to tremble in fear]
But Snow White... she sponsored my son to Harvard. I have to patronize her.
SNOW WHITE: [Very very upset]
Well, if that's the case...
[Runs to the kitchen to fetch something. Comes back after a few seconds]
SNOW WHITE: [Smiles sweetly while brandishing a dagger on Mirror's face]
How about I break your balls if you don't tell my step-mom that I am the most beautiful woman in the world?
MIRROR: [Suddenly experiences a schizophrenic attack]
Ma'am, yes ma'am! Right away, ma'am. Whatever you say you, you royal fierceness! You piece of magnificent star, shining above the human race. You flower of the Nile, blossoming every night. You...
SNOW WHITE: [Giggles]
Aww... you stop it now. No need to wax poetry, ya know. OK fine! I'll save the ball breaking some other time. Don't forget what you have to say the next time Step-Mom asks you.
MIRROR: [Pees in his pants] (Editor - Do mirror wear pants?)
Yes, your royal fabulousness.
[Snow White licks Mirror before she goes out. Mirror shivers]
ACT 2, SCENE 2
Joan Collins, err, Wicked step-mom goes to the Mirror room, curtsies before the Mirror, clears her throat
STEP-MOM:
[Looking royally hot with the magenta cocktail ball gown designed by Vera Wang] Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the prettiest of them all?
MIRROR: [Coughs]
Your royal highness, I have something to tell you.
STEP-MOM: [Checks out her newly renovated tush]
Save your breath honey, I wanna hear the magic words first!
MIRROR: [Coughs deliriously]
But I really need to tell you something Madame.
STEP-MOM: [Stops checking her tush]
Mother F! Hello! The magic words first!
MIRROR: [Sighs heavily]
Cinderella is the prettiest girl in the world.
STEP-MOM: [Nose flaring]
Who the hell is Cinderella?
MIRROR: [Very confused]
I am so sorry, Madam. I don't do well under pressure. I get confused now and then, you know. Could you please ask me again?
STEP-MOM: [Smiles an eenie-weenie bit. Botox makes it difficult to smile wide]
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the prettiest of them all?
MIRROR: [Totally depressed, contemplating suicide as he speaks]
Snow White is the prettiest girl in the whole wide world.
STEP-MOM: [Raises eyebrow a little. Botox makes it difficult to raise eyebrows]
You're not serious, are you?
MIRROR: [Resigned to his fate]
Mirrors do not tell a lie, your royal highness.
STEP-MOM: [Runs to a corner, curls up in a fetal position, and shouts profanities at the Mirror. After a few seconds, she runs back to the Mirror looking like an escapee from a nearby asylum]
You ungrateful piece of glass!!! I hate you!!!
[Step-mom throws Mirror out of her chamber. Mirror lands safely on the top of a garbage truck. He would soon be reunited with the son who would finish doctor of philosophy in Forensic Aesthesiology from Harvard. Said son would marry the girl who would find the Mirror in a thrift store]
To be continued...
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else
~ Maroon 5
So you think you know Snow White, huh? Were your little hearts broken when the wicked step-mother sent out the woodcutter to kill pretty girl Snow White in the forest? Do you remember ever getting scared when the wicked step-mom, disguised as a witch, poisoned her with an apple?
Touche!
ACT 2, SCENE 1
The lights are out. Everybody's sleeping, save for the girl who is pacing back and forth in front of the huge mirror.
SNOW WHITE: [Curious]
So tell me, Mirror. What exactly did you tell my step-mother?
MIRROR: [Pretends to be having a cough fit]
[To himself] Women, why are they so fond of confrontations?
[To Snow White] She is the most beautiful woman in the world.
SNOW WHITE: [Mildly upset]
You're freaking kidding me, right? She gets Botox every month. She gets a boob job every three months. And she even had her lips sculpted like Brangelina's! She's like, she spends millions of dollars to look like that cougar, Joan Collins. And you tell her she's the most beautiful woman in the world? Tell me, what flavor of stupid are you?
MIRROR: [Begins to tremble in fear]
But Snow White... she sponsored my son to Harvard. I have to patronize her.
SNOW WHITE: [Very very upset]
Well, if that's the case...
[Runs to the kitchen to fetch something. Comes back after a few seconds]
SNOW WHITE: [Smiles sweetly while brandishing a dagger on Mirror's face]
How about I break your balls if you don't tell my step-mom that I am the most beautiful woman in the world?
MIRROR: [Suddenly experiences a schizophrenic attack]
Ma'am, yes ma'am! Right away, ma'am. Whatever you say you, you royal fierceness! You piece of magnificent star, shining above the human race. You flower of the Nile, blossoming every night. You...
SNOW WHITE: [Giggles]
Aww... you stop it now. No need to wax poetry, ya know. OK fine! I'll save the ball breaking some other time. Don't forget what you have to say the next time Step-Mom asks you.
MIRROR: [Pees in his pants] (Editor - Do mirror wear pants?)
Yes, your royal fabulousness.
[Snow White licks Mirror before she goes out. Mirror shivers]
ACT 2, SCENE 2
Joan Collins, err, Wicked step-mom goes to the Mirror room, curtsies before the Mirror, clears her throat
STEP-MOM:
[Looking royally hot with the magenta cocktail ball gown designed by Vera Wang] Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the prettiest of them all?
MIRROR: [Coughs]
Your royal highness, I have something to tell you.
STEP-MOM: [Checks out her newly renovated tush]
Save your breath honey, I wanna hear the magic words first!
MIRROR: [Coughs deliriously]
But I really need to tell you something Madame.
STEP-MOM: [Stops checking her tush]
Mother F! Hello! The magic words first!
MIRROR: [Sighs heavily]
Cinderella is the prettiest girl in the world.
STEP-MOM: [Nose flaring]
Who the hell is Cinderella?
MIRROR: [Very confused]
I am so sorry, Madam. I don't do well under pressure. I get confused now and then, you know. Could you please ask me again?
STEP-MOM: [Smiles an eenie-weenie bit. Botox makes it difficult to smile wide]
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the prettiest of them all?
MIRROR: [Totally depressed, contemplating suicide as he speaks]
Snow White is the prettiest girl in the whole wide world.
STEP-MOM: [Raises eyebrow a little. Botox makes it difficult to raise eyebrows]
You're not serious, are you?
MIRROR: [Resigned to his fate]
Mirrors do not tell a lie, your royal highness.
STEP-MOM: [Runs to a corner, curls up in a fetal position, and shouts profanities at the Mirror. After a few seconds, she runs back to the Mirror looking like an escapee from a nearby asylum]
[Step-mom throws Mirror out of her chamber. Mirror lands safely on the top of a garbage truck. He would soon be reunited with the son who would finish doctor of philosophy in Forensic Aesthesiology from Harvard. Said son would marry the girl who would find the Mirror in a thrift store]
To be continued...
all rights reserved © mj navida 13may2010
3 comments:
hello :) xxx
LOL-I remember your twisted tales!
How are you?
mitchiii! how r u? how's mark? so nice to see you here. tnx for droppin by
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