Most Likely To Be Buried Alive?

If there's one thing that amuses me these days, it should be Facebook. Sure, some of the applications could be a bit cloying and puzzling at times, but the entertainment it provides is priceless. Not to mention that I get to meet really cool people from different corners of the world. I mean really awesome peeps who are not into nit-picking on how the government, media or just about everything is being handled by the appointed ones. This is a free world, yesiree, but puhhleeezzz, spare me the whining already. Got enough of that in the other sandboxes. I need to be entertained. And crack up does Facebook to me. I could think of a million reason why I dig it:

• I don't need an excuse or provocation to tackle, trout-slap, body slam, or toilet paper my friends. Heck, I could even throw Hillary Clinton to everyone without getting private messages like,

- What the hell did you do that for, beotch? - Where's your sense of respect? - What is wrong with you? - You need to get professional help. - You're a sad little person constantly seeking attention. - I feel sorry for you.

• I am allowed to shower my girl friends fab bags from Louis Vuitton, Balenciaga, Channel, Dior and Prada anytime without worrying about maxing out my Visa card. Hey, it's all free! Even the credit card is complimentary.

• I am privileged to yack, lick, tango and cuddle with the Boyfriend openly, and no one thinks the Deity is a homicidal exhibitionist.

Plus I could do the same thing to close male friends and he would never think I am two-timing him.

• I throw lame friends to Vampire friends all the time, just because I want to, and they're cool with it. They don't go sulking in a corner, curled up in a fetal position, screaming, "Deity, you numb nut twit, I am going to make you pay for that!"

• I am allowed to expose well-tended multiple personalities without being regarded a basket case. I am a Mistress Vampire, a Triumphant Slayer, a Werewolf Howler and a Zombie Ninja. I attack my friends whenever and they don't go scurrying off for their lives.

• I get to feed my Pet, Mojitos, and chocolate pie, and it doesn't go running in the toilet, yelling profanities in my face for giving it alcohol and sweets at the same time.

• I give my friends a keg of draft beer or a bottle of Dom Perignon anytime without having to organize a drink-all-you-can party.

I could go on and on and on. The point is, Facebook is a lifesaver for someone who gets bored easily like me. With thousands of fun new games and applications to do all the time, who needs to sulk and whine? I am engrossed to the bones. I don't care what other people write about Facebook. No one's gonna keep me from getting my happy pills from the pals I have there. 

Speaking of pals, someone voted yours truly as the friend Most Likely To Be Buried Alive, which got me thinking what in the world would make anyone think that I am probably going to be entombed screaming and kicking? And why would anyone want to bury me alive in the first place? I am pretty sure I don't resemble The Bride? Hello?!!! Ngork! I have to find out who did that. 

I am soooo going to bitch-slap that friend without mercy! And when I am done slapping, I swear to vote him/her as the friend Most Likely to Sleep with Marilyn Manson. 

I feel better already.