Summer Haiku

Summer I waited
Salty air, smell of the sea

image source: https://www.rawpixel.com/

Turn on the AC

©deity05032020

Sonnet to Covid

Covid, when are you ever going away
We yearn to live another day
Free of worry, free of anxiety
Living free in a peaceful society
We want to see our loved ones so dear
Without the sickness or needless fear
We want to travel and see the world
We do our share to flatten the curve
The lessons we've learned well, so let us be
All these times locked up we've changed, you see

We know now that honey is no value
If you're both stuck at home like a glue
Nothing to eat, soul and body both hungry
Watching news all day that makes us angry
You have brought so much to our lives
Lessons, values, realities aligned
To die alone in a lonely room we may resign
The rich and the poor both not immune
To news of vaccine, we all stay tuned
Now more than ever the future we can't tell
So, covid if you could read this, just go to hell 😞

©deity05012020

Winning the Battle Even Before the Battle Starts

I decided to write down the ordeal I went through for the last three months that I may remember in the future how bravely I won a battle even before the battle started.

It all started with heavy bleeding back in December 2011. Since then, I would bleed excessively (more than 10 days) that it became normal to consume at least 30 to 40 pads monthly. I would even joke around that Modess should give me a share in their company.

When I first decided to see an OB a year ago due to the incessant prodding of a coworker (bless her thoughtful heart), I was told that it's just part of the pre-menopausal syndrome or am just stressed at work. I was given iron supplements and that was it. And I was told to relax, chill, take a vacation, etc. Yeah, right. 

The annual executive check up didn't show anything alarming either. I thought I was OK. 

However, last May, the heavy bleeding came with abdominal pain with a massive headache to boot. I cannot concentrate at work. I have become more irritable than ever. I would only sleep for about 3 hours every day. I was agitated and started to lose focus. 

I got scared. Very scared. And I told no one. 

For some time, I got used to the headache that I would dismiss it as "too-much-work-too-much-stress-condition" or something like that. Little did I know that constant health negligence could have resulted in the big C had I not done anything about it. 

To cut the story short, I went to see another OB, and another OB, and had a series of tests and procedures. 

I have been in and out of the hospital for the last three months. It was exhausting - mentally, emotionally, physically and not to mention, financially. 

But when faced with the ultimate choice between having my reproductive organ removed or suffer the consequences of going through more extensive procedures every three months to manage the condition,  I decided to have a TAHBSO instead. The bad cells are on its early stage and removal of the entire reproductive organ will ensure that C is not going to crawl its way into my system. 

But before the procedure...

I cannot count  the number of times I cried over the last three months wondering what stage my cancer is. Will I die next month? Will this pain ever end? And so on and so forth. It was exasperating. While some people thought I was having a grand vacation, little did anyone know that I go through each day wondering what the doctors will find out this time. Or how many days, months, or year I have left in this world. I was flooded with so much negativity I hated myself. 

Worse, the challenge came with staying positive to avoid agitating the family. I have to put up a brave face. I had to be strong. Not for my sake, but for their sake. It wasn't so easy. Like hello. I was ready to break down any minute. 

But the battle is over. 

I may not be able to reproduce another mini deity anymore, but hey, this means I get to enjoy being with family and friends for a long long long time. 

Ladies, if you notice that something is wrong with your body, be it insignificant or trivial, go see a doctor right away. Insist on having tests. Talk to doctors. Get more opinion. The more the merrier. As I've said before, if you don't take care of yourself, no one else will do that for you.  

As Justin Bieber once said, "Love yourself".

TeenAge Rebels: The Reunion

There's a room where the light won't find you

Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down

When they do, I'll be right behind you

So glad we've almost made it

~ Tears for Fears 

After almost three decades, our 80s barkadas - Sheila, Jinky, Mike, Paul and cousin Tess got together last night. Missing were Joey, Jasper, Ronald, Rommel, Edmund, Cristy, Rene, and Bette.

We're party buddies back in the 80s, back when we all could think about was to find parties to crash and dance our hearts out until the wee hours. 

We lived and breathed dancing back then. Any song by Depeche Mode, Tears for Fears, Lotus Eaters, Simple Minds, or Madonna (!) among others, would make us want us to crash another party. It was our addiction. To get to a party (doesn't matter if we know the celebrant or not) was like getting 1,000 likes on Facebook these days. That's how shallow we were. 

We all had so much fun reminiscing how we mastered the art of jumping fences to elude strict parents. I know. Shameful. But. Nope. We were never into drugs or sex or anything really offensive. All we wanted was really to dance and dance some more. 

We never had cellphones  or tablets or laptops; we communicated by whistle. When one hears that special whistle,  it means P-A-R-T-Y and you  have like 5 minutes to dress up and sneak out of the house! 

It was great seeing them all after a long long time. We shared stories on our struggles, challenges, triumphs, family, kids, education, business venture, etc. We chatted like grown ups and giggled like youngsters. 

And we all agreed that whatever  fun we had back in the 80s, it will always be something we will all look back to with fondness and smile. 

So we glad we made it. 

P.S.

Thanks Mike and Armi for hosting the dinner. 

Sad To Belong To Someone

So I'll live my life in a dream world,

For the rest of my days.

Just you and me walking hand in hand,

Is a wishful memory...

Oh, I guess it's all that it will ever be...

~ England Dan & John Ford

You ever liked someone who’s already taken (married, engaged, committed, etc.)? And you so like this person, you can only admire him from the distance, because he can never know that you like him. 

Have you ever liked someone so much you're dying to send him a message to say hello or just ask how his day is going, but you can't, because you just can't?

Have you ever liked someone so so much that his mere hug meant the world to you? 

Ang OA ko. Promise. At Frencheska Far ang peg ko according to Dani Hernandez author of Ang Maglandi Ay Di Biro. Promise, mahal ko na si Dani. Sobrang relate ako sa book niya.

I am too old to have crushes, but as one of my friends pointed out, it’s never too late to blush, gush or even have crushes... that as long as we have feelings we will always admire or crush on someone. 

And who knows this admiration might blossom into something real, tangible, or forever. Sigh.

But in my case, there's no way this is going anywhere. This crush lives on the other side of the planet and is very taken.

So what do I do?

I really have no idea. I guess, I will just sit here in my little corner of the universe and hope to the stars that this infatuation dies out soon.

I am too old for heartaches. 

Pero babalik daw sha ulet. 

Anubayan! 

#MeForever #UmasaTayo #MeHimala